There is a very specific kind of problem no one warns you about in adulthood. That is becoming too well-loved at your favorite bar or restaurant. You know the place. They know your name. They know your drink. They know how you like your food. You like extra […]
In a brief and deeply questionable moment of maternal devotion (read: mania), I signed up for an online “marketplace” while searching for grain-free pizza for my son. Marketplace is doing a lot of work here. It’s a supermarket. Let’s not get fancy. Within approximately four minutes, I realized […]
I recently learned about something called the 37% rule, which sounds less like a mathematical theory and more like a suspicious diet plan. Apparently, it comes from the optimal stopping problem, which is a very polite, academic way of saying: “How long should I keep scrolling before I […]
There was a time, not long ago, although it now feels like it existed in sepia tones, when dinner was just dinner. A plate, a fork, maybe a passive-aggressive comment about who didn’t unload the dishwasher, and if you were lucky, a moment of connection wedged somewhere between […]
Apparently, the youths (yes, I said it, the youths) have discovered something groundbreaking. Revolutionary. Positively cutting-edge. It’s called Nonnamaxxing. Which, for those of us who have been busy answering emails while brushing our teeth and silently spiraling, is the idea that if you live like an Italian grandmother […]
I recently came across an odd news story about a man who called 911 after Red Lobster refused to refill his cheddar biscuits for the twelfth time. Twelfth. 12. A dozen biscuits deep into what I can only assume was a very committed personal journey, this man decided […]
There are moments when the universe gently whispers, “See? Healing is possible.” And then there are moments when the universe hands you a fish from the Hudson River and says, “Trust me.” I do not trust it. Apparently, for the first time in 50 years, yes, half a […]
There are many ways to know society is teetering on the edge. Such as people clapping when planes land (well, Puerto Ricans have always done that), group chats named “Final_Final_v3,” and now a rogue mushroom staging what can only be described as a slow-motion botanical coup. Enter the […]
There are crimes of desperation.There are crimes of opportunity.And then there are crimes that make you pause, tilt your head, and whisper that you kind of kind of get it. Case in point somewhere between Italy and Poland, 12 tons of Kit Kats were stolen. Vanished. Liberated. Rehomed. […]
There are people who think dogs are chaotic creatures. Loud, needy, impulsive. Agents of fur and entropy. Those people have clearly never noticed how dogs build rituals. Not routines. Rituals. Sacred, non-negotiable emotional appointments with their human. Mine have three. My middle dog who is my resident curmudgeon, […]
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