I sometimes wonder what my dogs would say if they could talk.

Of course, I would love to believe their first words would be, “I love you.”

But let’s be psychologically honest here.

These are dogs.

Their first words would probably be, “More food.”

Followed closely by, “When exactly are we going for a walk?”

And then, “Why is your blanket bigger than mine?”

There might also be a formal complaint about my morning routine.

“You wake up at FIVE IN THE MORNING make coffee and don’t give us any? What kind of household is this?”

The big dog, who already believes he is entitled to basically everything, might skip the small talk entirely and state

“I’ll have a pint of Guinness.”

The little one would probably say, “Did you say pancake?”

And the curmudgeon would look at me over his coffee-less morning, sigh deeply and say

“I was sleeping. Why are we all awake?”

So no, their first words probably wouldn’t be I love you.

But then again, maybe that’s exactly what they tell me every morning, just in dog language.

Usually while demanding breakfast.