There’s a very specific phrase that should come with a psychological warning label.

“Can we meet? It’ll only take a few seconds.”

A few seconds.

I would like to meet the alternate universe where this is true. I imagine it’s a magical place where meetings start on time, end early, and no one says, “while I have you…”

Because here, in reality? “A few seconds” is code for at least 30 minutes. Usually at 3:00pm. When your brain is already running on fumes and your patience is being held together by caffeine and sheer willpower.

As a social psychologist, I’m fascinated by this. It’s like we collectively participate in a tiny social illusion. The asker minimizes (“just a second!”) to increase the chance of a yes. The receiver hears it, knows it’s not true, and still feels mildly obligated to consider it.

It’s not a lie exactly. It’s aspirational scheduling.

But the other day, I decided to run a small experiment.

Someone asked “Can we meet quickly? Just three minutes.”

And I said, “Okay. You have exactly three minutes.”

I even looked at my phone like a human stopwatch.

And suddenly, plot twist!, they paused and said, “Oh, we can meet another time. It’s really more like 30 minutes.”

I just nodded.

Because of course it is.

We all know it is.

This is less about time and more about boundaries. About how uncomfortable it can feel to say, “That’s not actually quick, and I don’t have the capacity right now.”

So we soften it. We shrink it. We pretend time is elastic and won’t snap back later when we’re exhausted and wondering where our afternoon went.

But here’s the thing. If it’s 30 minutes, it’s 30 minutes.

And sometimes the most psychologically healthy response is not “sure,” but “not today.”

Even if it only takes a few seconds to say it.