So many cuts and stones

Let me cut to the chase. The year 2023 has sucked horribly thus far. And, we’re only in February. To lose a spouse mid-January and to then contend with the proverbial death by a 1,000 cuts has been frustrating, demoralizing, and depressing. Here’s a tip. If you are in such a situation, expect everything to be at a rate of molasses in quicksand and order a minimum of 15 death certificates. Everyone wants an original.

While gathering paperwork after paperwork, I’ve been opening and packing up a ton of boxes. I’ve been using a box cutter for everything. Here’s the other thing. I suppose that I have been a bit numb to it all, as I find cuts and bloody fingers at night. Sigh. I need to be a bit more careful, I suppose. It is just that I feel that I need to get things done quickly. Why? I really don’t know.

Here’s the other bit. In the midst of all my chaos, I notice a pain in my back. A persistent pain for weeks. I finally get it checked out. Indeed, I have kidney stones. It’s a rather large one. Why, of course it would be. I always surpass expectations. When I gave birth, I was in active labor for only 12 minutes. I aim to always be at the top of my game. Many have benefited from my efficiency. Even when they lack gratitude. Don’t get me started in gratitude.

Cuts and stones. Don’t believe they will break me. But it’s tiring. Something better must be on the horizon. New job? Powerball? Or maybe just good health.

13 replies »

  1. When I have faced horrible (and not so horrible) situations, I tell myself nothing lasts forever, that there will be an end to it. For me, reminding myself of that fact helps. There will be brighter days ahead for you. 💜


  2. This Much i KNoW NO Actually
    i Feel And Sense LoSinG Sanctity

    oF LoVE iN Peace
    Just SMiLinG


    For No

    Is All i Really
    Have to Not Know At All

    SMiLes Dear Miriam Just

    Breathing Letting Go oF All
    That Weighs Us Down True

    Leaving Your Cape at the Dry
    Cleaner And Never Going Back to Pick it up…

    Finding Your Way Back Home

    Letting Someone Else

    Save Their World

    Save Your Love

    Save Your Peace

    For What i Understand
    of Life There is No Other Savior of
    Your Being Yet You Still Come to Be…

    Meanwhile i Hope Your Kidney Stones
    Pass Easy Or Are Otherwise Taken Care
    Of And Not Too Painful Yet Just Another


    True of How
    Important Now
    A Treasure Potentially
    Fleeting Our Well Being Newly Is..:)


  3. Oy, kidney stones suck. I’ve had them four times, the last episode lasting about a week. They were so bad that it literally took me three or four days of being in ICU to decide that, yeah, the subarachnoid hemorrhage was worse … I hope you feel better soon!


  4. I’m so sorry all this is piling up on you. There’s nothing you can do except to break the tasks into small pieces, and keep kicking one into the can every time you have a bit of energy.

    The sheer number of things is overwhelming. BUT it is finite, and you’ll get there, and it’s not necessarily a rush to get them finished, even if you need something from one to tackle another. They will still be waiting for you. The people on the receiving end know this – they have to deal with the built-in delays ALL the time.


  5. Sending you healing vibes, both physically and emotionally. I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve had to deal with thus far. I hold you in the light, Mimi, and pray for your physical recovery and emotional healing.


  6. I am so sorry for all that you are going through. Truly. Death is inescapable and grief is hard. Please be kind to yourself. You don’t have to rush anything. Take some time to just BE – without pressuring yourself, without hurry, without doing. Simply BE. Allow whatever feelings to come and just be with them. At the core of your silent self find the peace that dwells there and revisit it whenever you are overwhelmed with doing. ……….if I could hug you, I would. So I am sending one virtually. And sending peaceful, healing energy to you……


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