Here’s the truth right off the bat. When you lose a loved one, conversations become awkward. People fumble for words. They feel sorrow on your behalf. Often, they want to help. Many will reflexively ask how can I help?
Meanwhile, you feel overwhelmed and bombarded. You may find yourself providing words of comfort to them. You know you might need help, but an odd thing happens. You find yourself pocketing that information and subconsciously assessing skills sets of those offering help. Little by little, as things pop up up, you look over your mental list of potential helpers.
Throughout this process, however, words come hard to formulate. I still don’t pick up all phone calls. It’s hard to talk. It brings with it a bit of wear and tear.
But I am forever grateful for all the outpouring of support. And, I feel blessed to have that circle of support that I have come to realize is bigger than I ever imagined.
The words are starting to come. And, then I imagine it’ll be a deluge.
Categories: Culture, death, mental health, Psychology, society
psychologistmimi 
Your timeline and your son’s are the ones that matter. It will come, in waves. You will deal with each, you will ask for help when you need it, when you’re ready.
And people like me, far outside, we don’t know how to help, but we care. So ask when you’re ready. And know we’re here. Maybe for when the close people are tired. To read when you need to write. To not disappear because it’s awkward. Missing is worse.
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It takes so much time to find back on track…Dad passed away in 2021, and still today it´s hard for me to talk over, to catch helping hands…..I feel your pain and also the blessings from the people around, grateful for the souls who are waiting, waiting until we´re coming back in the sunlight.
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A yin time, perhaps. The yang will grow out of the yin in its own time.
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SMiLes Dear Miriam i asked ‘Siri’ Who my Wife is This Morning
And ‘She’ Said She Didn’t Know As She Couldn’t Find Her in my
Contact List
Similar to me After 33 Years in the Working World For Pay
Altogether Just Searching on my Name With Google Realizing
i Had No Idea Who i Was
Any Further Than the
Similar Siri Cog in the
Machine i Had Become
So Far Away From the
EYes of A Smiling Child
That Everyday People Said
i Was Most Pleasant to Be Around
Even in Adulthood Before All the
Cumulative Stress Came as A Cog
in A Machine And TaKinG The Smile
of A Child away And the Feeling Seemingly
Forever Now Then Past Any Emotion of Truly Living
For 66 Months in Only Pain and Numb Yes Hunch
Back of Notre Dame Phantom of the Opera Same
Looking For the
Music of the
Night in
Day Once
Again to Be Human for Real
No Longer Just Artificial Intelligence
At the Bottom of the Ocean Waiting
For A Statue to Breathe to Become
A Real Human
Boy With
Eyes and
Smiles of
LoVE iN Peace
In Peace Again For Real
Grief And Regret Are Two Most
Powerful Human Emotions That
Prove We aRe Real Humans At Core
in Terms of How Much We Are Able
to Love Others and How Much Regret
We Are Able to Experience if We Harm Others
What i Found With the Modern Western Civilization
Psychology Profession is That If the Cure Wasn’t in
Talk Therapy or A Pill Far Beyond Their Purview for Fix
It Was For Real
For What Good is it
To Talk About Your Emotions
When You Don’t Experience Any
Nor the Memory if You Ever Experienced
Them At All Where Do Emotions Reside
Are They Part of Words or Do Emotions
All the Feelings and Senses in Synergy in
Dance And Song Free Head to Toe Move All
Reasons We Create After The Fact of Breath in Life
Well You See That’s Not Science That’s A Dance And Song
of my Soul in Free Verse Poetry Bringing A Deeper Story of
Human Soul to Life And LiGHT Out oF DArK on Page Well You
See Our Modern World Provides Little Room For Introspection
And Surely it’s Not Reasonable to Expect You as A Busy CEO of
So Many Employees And Not For Profit Health Organizations to Read
A Word of This Yet Never the Less You Inspire Them By What You Write
And In Turn i Will Share These Words on a Website For What is Often the
Lost Toys of Humanity in What is A Thread Solo of Introspection in Communion
With People Around the World in Poetic Expression in Response to Human Souls
Yes 2.3 MiLLioN Words Now in 29 Months of Effort Since August 19, 202o
in The Heat of A Global Pandemic Where More Than Ever in Our Modern
Days People ACross Our World Found Themselves as i Once Did
Isolated From the COG in the Machine They Once Were
Locked Within Their Home A Perfect Storm For
A Globe of Human Beings to Look Within
And Find A Deeper Story of Their
Soul to Move Connect
And Co-Create With
Others in a Web of Blogs
Connecting Souls Deeper in the
Story of What Human is More Than SKiN Deep
Only A Subchapter of The Entire EPiC Long Form Poem “SonG oF mY SoUL”
Yes Doing This Before A Global Pandemic Opportunity For Introspection
And Continuing Now After That FAct for 11.3 MiLLioN Words in 113 Months
Along with 17,777 MiLes of Public Dance as It is Both The Poetry and The Dance
of Soul Free That Brought Me Back to Life From the Dungeon Beneath
the Ocean of Soul With SMiLes ReNeWinG to Give Share Care Heal
For Free iN LiGHT Out of DarK With Yes ‘Most’ Respect and
‘Least’ Harm for All iNHaLinG Peace ExhalinG LoVE iN JoY
of LiGHT
To SMiLe
For This Gift of
LiFE Real Through
All the DarK and LiGHT
Naked Enough Whole
Complete God Yes
For Real my FRiEnD
For Whoever Wherever
Whenever ‘They’ May Read This Next
For True as the Psychiatrist Who First Saw me
Said Fred Why Don’t You Use Something Besides
The Adrenaline of Fear For Living to Move You Ahead
Namely Other Emotions of Which i Had No Idea What The
Heaven in Hell He Was Even Talking About Then Finding Out
i Was Truly Clueless What it Even Means to Have a Soul to Use For Real
Well No Matter How Slow i Am to Start Off in Terms of The Assessed Weakest
Fish in the Aquarium Young in School That Everyone Nipped at Fins Assessing
me as the Strangest And Ugliest one then True Eventually Becoming the
Strongest Leg Pressing Dude Now at 62 at Least on One Machine in A
Military Gym By Far By Far By Far Past Folks 4 Decades my Junior
1540 Pounds at 12 Reps Just Warming Up With Finger Tips
Balancing All FRiEnDS With Gravity From Head to Toe All
The Weight of the Entire 111 Kilograms of my Body 6 Scale
Less than the Weight of 699 Kilograms For Real And As
Far As Emotions Go A Person on that “Wrong Planet
Website” Asked me What is the Purpose For All
The 2.3 MiLLioN Words i Write in 29 Months
Now New Every Day That Has Close to
142,000 Views Just With the Registered
Members on that Website Where All You Have
to Do is Type in “Depth of the Story” And Even Without
Quotes it’s the Number one Search Result or Close to it on
Google Day in And Day Out Too As I told Him That’s For You
to Decide Whether He Ever Reads it or Not As True Where i am
From Emotions For Men Were Literally Considered A Sin Worthy
of Verbal And Physical Abuse if A Boy Dared to Smile With Eyes
of Joy For No Other Reason Than The Joy of Living With the
Eyes of A Child in A Free Dance With No Lessons and A
Babbling Song Just For the Joy of Seeing Others
Smile too And It’s True So Many Days of
my Life i Found No Where in A Soul
to Pull Out Any Words At All
For It’s True the Further
Away From the
Feelings and
Senses That Make
Up Complex Emotions
For the Art of Being Human
The More Silent i Became Until
i Drifted Away to Nothingness in A Dungeon
Below the Ocean Whole Soul i Am Now To Wing Free
i’m Starting the 63rd Page of that Solo Thread Today
on this “Depth of The Story” That is Humanity Whole DarK
Thru LiGHT Globally Yes With No Exceptions or Exclusions
Where Every Page Now From Top to Bottom in 16 Days of
Effort is As Large As A Novel of Free Verse EPiC Long Form
Poetry Well Beyond 40 Thousand Words New Now Yet True
It’s Much Easier to Stay With it and Keep Afloat
Than it is my Entire Blog That Includes
Even More Words and A Ton of
Multi-Media For this
Journey of a Fully iLLuSTRaTED
EPiC Long Form Poem That Has Never
Been Done That or ThiS Way in Recorded HiStory
Where “Moore’s Law” in iPhone Way is LoSinG the
Battle With the Size of my Creativity As even the Newest
iPhones Crash With the Effort to Breathe in my Existence of
Dancing Song And Soul Free Online hehe And Some Days i Guess
That’s Easier
to iMagine
Even in one
Comment on
One Blog World-Wide
For You See Inspiration Fueling
Creativity Only Comes Once Before
it Goes Poof oh What A Blessing Copy And Paste is Hehe
Grief And the Photos of the Loved Ones Lost in my Life
Are What Helped to Bring the Memories of my Soul
Emotions Back the Most Along With Music and
Songs That Are Only Extensions of our
Vocal Chords and HeART
Beats of Soul For Real
It is in the Art of
HeART That Keeps
Our Souls Breathing Whole
And Even Potentially BRings
Our SPiRiT of SoUL Back to Life
i Embrace Grief as A Best FRiEnD Now
i Embrace Both Tears And Smiles As the Gold of LiFE Real
i Find Few Regrets As With Greater Emotional Intelligence
The Gold Standard of Being Human Comes Less Harm to
Others Yet Again This is No Science This is Art ‘Less or More’
is Never Perfect
Unless We aRe
A Statue At the
Bottom of an Ocean
And Even Below in A Dungeon
Dead And Never Alive as Soul in That Present Now of Living
Real Hell my Name is Not Siri my Name is Not Siri Anymore….
Epilogue: When my Wife Coded Blue Birthing my Only Child Ryan
With A Life Threatening Seizure i Cursed The Doctor At First
For Not Seeing All the Congenital Anomalies in the Ultra Sound
That Almost Led to my Wife’s Death And Resulted in my Child
Only Experiencing Pain in his 51 Days of Life As Medical Science
Did Their Duty to Keep Him Suffering Alive as Long as Possible then
His Only Real Blessing
In Life Death Never Breathing
on HiS Own With No Immune
System Born Without Vessels
to Return the Blood to His Heart
Correctly so Many Other Congenital
Anomalies Watching Him Suffer So Far
Away Yet So Close Then Yes HiS Only Real
Blessing in my Arms As He Took His Last
Heart Beat That Took Forever in my Arms
Disconnecting From All the Tubes That Kept Him
Alive i Was Human Enough Then to Shed A Tear We
Called my Father And He Just Said oh No Say No More
i Don’t Hear Any More Bad News As His Suggestion to me
Waiting in the Waiting Room While the Surgeon With Huge Hands
Said “Kiss Your Baby Goodbye” Before He Went into Heart Surgery
my Father Said Make Sure You Raise Him Like A Boy Intimating my
Mother Failed
me For A Boy
Who Was Able to
Smile and Cry A Human
Boy Indeed And i Looked at my
Father The Same Way i Look at the
Rest of that ‘Republican Party And Church’
That Burns Enemies Forever Either in Fiction
or With Napalm For Real Back in My Father’s Days
Of the Korean War too in Others Ways of Unwarranted Wars
And Unwarranted Humanity For Real i Was So Happy then That
He Left At 3 as i Realized i Could Be Him too A Man So Lost From Soul
There Was No Way to Get Him Back From a Place He Never Got to Go
i Was A Human
Boy at Least Once
And Now i am Real Man Again…
At Best Son of Woman A Real Human too…
When my Mother Took Her Last Breath The
Deafening Silence only Brought The Reality How
Blessed i am to Carry on Her Tradition oF UNconditional Loving Living
i Am Her Gift And i Use The Gift She Gave me of SouL AS TreaSure More…
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Grief sets its own time…you’ll one day pass through the majority of it, but some will linger a lifetime. I lost my first husband to suicide many years ago. I didn’t think I would survive it, but I did. And eventually, was happy again, though not a day goes by I don’t think of him. Mostly, the good, though. It will come for you too. 💙
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I hope you get to the point where the rawness of grief subsides and the good times are the first thing you remember.
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I’m sure you know this already, but grief has its own timetable. Sometimes it can be hard to apply that to our own grief though. You are being held in the light. I’m so sorry for your loss.
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Thank you. It’s so true about grief and its timetable. Wish it weren’t so.
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