Immediately, upon losing a dear one, you are often emotionally devastated. You are left without words. You may even forget to eat. Then, depending on your associated role with the one who has passed, you get mired in paperwork and various heavy layers of paperwork. It’s so much paperwork that you almost need an assistant. However, who can really afford that?

You stumble on. Passing one bureaucratic hurdle after another. In the midst of all that, you also have to continue all your other daily activities such as work, feeding your child, and breathing. Essentially, taking care of yourself, as well.

As such, grief becomes a series of waves that, at times, you ride out ok. Other times, the waves knock you back. There’s no telling for how long these waves will last. Grief has no timetable. There’s also no formula on how best to ride the grief wave that can hit at any time. You can be in a zoom meeting providing statistical information when suddenly grief strikes you. A word, a phrase, or a random look can cause you to flashback or to just feel a sharp pang to your soul.

In essence, you become a surfer. A grief surfer. With time, hopefully, riding out the waves becomes easier and maybe even leads to moments of happy memories crashing on in.