“I’m a say all the words inside my head
I’m fired up and tired of the way that things have been, oh-ooh”
My heart is dark. I try to be sunny, happy and focused on priorities. I have a strong work ethic. I believe I’m on earth to help others. Always have. That has given me solace in moments of chaos. I have a life mission. Many wonder how it is that I’m always laughing and smiling. I just manage to do so. I try not to hate. Its too strong an emotion that takes vast amounts of energy. Plus, it cant be good for your mind and spirit. So, I have taught my son from an early age to not hate. But this week, my heart turned dark and I am trying to right the path back to the light.
Those words above, all of them, was how I felt this past week and where I ended up on Friday. I am better today. I am still angry but my heart is no longer dark. It does not mean, however, I will avoid doing something that will be really hard. I am ready to do so but I know that I am doing it for the right reason. I know this sounds cryptic. Trust me I cannot say more. But, I dug deep. Its scary when we have to dig deep and find ourselves.
You want to hear what helped me get back to myself? Exercise, family, and music. The therapeutic aspects of music are understated. For some people, they need to listen to soft music to relax and step back. Me? I needed hard, angry music. It helped me purge the pain and hate. Now what is left is good anger. By that, I mean the nager that is actually helpful and will keep me focused on doing what is right not only for myself but on behalf of others. I laugh thinking back to when I was doing acupuncture in New York. The acupuncturist often tried to play really mellow music and it would cause my legs to go stir-crazy. She thought I was an odd duck when I requested really fast-paced music for my acupuncture. But guess what. It worked. It calmed me down and got me sit still and enjoy the benefits of acupuncture.
Today, I express my gratitude to music and all that it does to help people process their situations; whatever they may be. Bet you didn’t see this ending coming based on that opening paragraph. I am an advocate of finding your own melody and lyrics and shouting them out loud. Your stress will decrease, clarity will hit you like a hurricane, and you will find your own words. In that vein, go out and sing a tune or two.