Faking a diet so that I am left alone

Ever since I was a little girl, I liked being a contrarian. I liked talking. I was a chatterbox. And I liked countering people.  Thus, I was maybe a bit much to take as a kid but my mother managed to turn my chatterbox nature into a plus.  As a result, it shouldn’t surprise me then that my son is the same way.   He is quite the chatterbox.  Just one greeting to him will get him going on a long diatribe regarding video games.  But in terms of being contrary, what kid isn’t a contrarian? Sure, there are “good” obedient kids out there, but a little questioning from a child is actually an awesome thing. I get a kick out of my son questioning and countering my points.  I don’t see him becoming an attorney, as he is more likely to be an actor, but its good to have a question and a comeback. He is a New Yorker, afterall.  The snark is in his DNA in more ways than one.


Ah, I love that boy.   But that is not what this bit is about today.  So, let me get to that.


I like to eat. I can often eat a lot of calories in one meal.  It can astound some people. Even waitrssses have, at times, tried to dissuade me from my orders. What gets to them is that I am petite. Which often leads to some people, annoyingly, conjecturing that I must have a really fast metabolism. To which I must object. I have an extremely slow metabolism. I am cosntantly fighting against my DNA and natural body type. What gives? I work out. I exercise a lot. I do the elliptical, pilates and leg presses. I also walk a lot. Well, I did before when I lived in New York.   I take anywhere between 10,500 and 20,000 steps each day.


What I have found, however, is that people do not like to hear that I work out a lot. They rather that I have some mysterious super-fast metabolism or a tapeworm.   I sometimes get very nasty looks when I tell those indviduals that ask about my eating habits that I work out so that I can eat.  Actually, I get them quite often. So, this what I am thinking.


I am going to tell individuals going forward that I partake in the donut diet.  I will state that four days out of the week, I have a donut for each meal and nothing else. And that in turn cleanses out my system.   The other three days, I will state that I eat just one donut with regular food. Too silly? Perhaps. But I bet some people would believe it. Something so bizarre would help people feel better for the fact that I eat a ton and remain petitte. That way, I don’t have to mention my hours of exercise and the number of steps that I take each day.  And I won’t get the nasty looks. I will just be seen as an odd dieter. Lets see how far I can get with this bit…

8 replies »

  1. I have a similar friends that are very slim but are active and often eat huge amounts that astound people like you. One friend in particular is small (around 5ft) and slim (about size 8) yet she can sit and eat triple burgers with all the trimmings while washing it down with a pint and every time we go out together we have to swap our orders over as it’s assumed (from my curvier body) I’m the pint drinking extra large meal one.
    It happens so often that she thinks its hilarious and orders extra sides when we are out 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I totally understand. I watch myself (what I eat, portions and how much I move) and have consistently stayed within 12 pounds of my ideal weight my entire adult life– which is very good considering that I’m quite tall. Others think “oh you don’t have to worry” (watch your weight), but that’s entirely not true. Because I worry and watch thus. It is the one thing over which I have control. No one wants to hear that do they? That you have a great deal of self-control in an area they do not.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha ha ha I am with you there! I often get the same reaction and I find it now so boring to counter it with the usual I-work-out spiel. Donut diet it is. Or I would tweak it to a cake diet for myself 😉


  4. This is really interesting. I get told that in order to look good and remain slim one must calculate their eating down to a T and work out a lot. I get so hungry after calculating my food for a few days that I just give up and eat junk! Then the junk makes me too lethargic to workout and it is just a vicious, horrible cycle. I understand why people want to believe in your donut diet (made me laugh!) – it just seems like the easy way out. People are always looking for the easy way out 🙂


  5. I am a fat woman, like many in my family before me. I am SO tired of other people making my body their business.

    I just say, “And my body is your business because…?”


  6. Hahahah that’s funny. I find it amusing too how much people have an aversion to the fact that if you work hard, you might actually notice results. The problem is, once weight is packed on, it’s hard to get off. People often start out skinny, then just forget about taking care of themselves, then fall into an endless cycle of dieting and ballooning. Sounds like you’ve stayed pretty consistent, always eating a lot and always working out. That’s what your body knows and understands. People get so annoyed because their workouts “aren’t working” but the truth is they haven’t given them time to. And their body can’t keep up because they do so much yo-yo-ing. Believe it or not, working out works, but you have to stick with it. Clearly you are doing that. But hey, if they believe the donut diet works, let ’em try it! lol 🙂


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