A few years back comedian Lewis Black in a bit but still remains in my, almost everyday, consciousness. He noted in his skit “if it wasn’t for my horse I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.” Some things in life are so absurd but you just have to wonder what does it all mean. Some things are just so random that they were just meant to be even if completely out of a play of the absurd.
Lately my life has taken quite a turn of extreme absurds. I don’t even know where to start with this little ditty. Maybe I should call John Cougar Mellencamp’s Jack and Diane to help me out with this bit. Because I do not have much of a voice left and barely any arm strength, I better get to this story before I run out of steam. No more digressions on my part. Although, assuredly this while graf was such. I just have that John Cougar or is it mellencamp song running over and over in my head. Speaking of which, did you hear that the lead singer of Dead or Alive, who sang “you spin me round like a record” also died in 2016. What a travesty. That year of 2016 seems like a surreal Kurosawa dream.
But my 2017 isn’t off to as a great a start as I had hoped. But its OK. Its funny in a black humor comedy way of life. I got to laugh folks. Otherwise, I will cry.
Here’s the thing. I am deathly allergic to shellfish. My allergic has gotten worse each year. With this allergy in my background I always carry Benadryl and an EpiPen. I’m always ready for worst case scenario. So I went and attended a meeting we have some key staff at my clinic. We sat in what is ostensibly the lunchroom having a good discussion about minutiae. That sentence inevitably may seem like an oxymoron, I am sure. But it was minutiae despite it being a good discussion where we were sharing many laughs.
At some point I started getting really really really itchy. I felt my eyes watering. My throat started to itch. I immediately looked around for a mirror. There were no mirrors around. The horror! What lunch room doesn’t have mirrors? Don’t we need mirrors in the lunchroom so we can make sure we don’t leave the room with food stuck in our teeth? Wouldn’t that make sense. But I have horribly digressed when I least could afford to. My apologies to my arm.
Turns out, I was having an allergic reaction. Someone had microwaved shrimp earlier in the day and I was seated right in front of the microwave. I should have known better. But I didn’t and thus my eye got swollen shut in a time period of 6-8 minutes. I either touched some shrimp residue or the lingering fumes of shrimp in the air got to me.
I immediately took a benadryl. They iced my eye and got ready to give me a shot. I took another benadryl and went home to be a zombie.
Now, I will speed up through the rest of this story as you may be wondering how how a swollen eye led to my arm being in a sling.
Next morning I ended up in urgent care, was prescribed prednisone and three other medications as my eye was still swollen shut. As it is, I still have knee pain from my torn knee muscle for which I am taking heavy pain killers. I didn’t dare take my pain killer because I’m afraid of mixing too many meds together. I prefer a conservative approach to medication. Because I didn’t take my pain killer, I couldn’t sleep well due to pain. I was twisted all night trying to get into a comfortable position. By doing so, I reaggravated an old arm injury and was in even more extreme pain. I only had three hours of sleep and finally fell asleep at 4am watching the television show elementary. No judgment on the show. I rather like Jonny Lee Miller. Sorry, I have digressed. Again.
Anyway, I eventually fell asleep to only wake up to a lot of pain. Couldn’t move my arm. I can’t type. I can’t click. How will I feed my shopping addiction? I kid. I kid. Although, seriously, I do have a few pending Amazon orders and I can’t click. The horror! So shrimp led to me being in an arm sling. Although, I keep wanting to say I’m in a slingshot. I think that’s the pain talking.
And with that I shall stop my ditty here.
This post brought to you via dictation, please excuse absurdities and typos. Oops!