I am a clumsy person by nature. Ever since I can remember, I have been twisting my ankles, walking into walls and just generally walking a zig zag pattern. If people didn’t know better, they would think I am drunk. I’d like to attribute my clumsiness to the fact that I am so smart and funny my legs can only carry so much “brain ” weight. Did I mention I’m extremely humble? If you could see me right now, I would be winking at you. But I digress as I am wont to do. But digress from what may be hard to tell considering I have yet to really address or include a topic sentence. Oh my.
Ah yes, I am clumsy. My clumsiness has certain funny repercussions. Once an advice nurse laughed at me for walking into a pole. On another occassion I dropped my keys down the elevator shaft. In a terrifying moment, I spilled extremely hit tea on my naked thighs and my skin came off. I didn’t sue anyone as I sadly wasn’t at a McDonald’s or Starbucks. There went my chance to achieve the American dream.
Besides those scary instances, I have also in instances of extreme clumsiness done silly things. I have accidentally flushed my keys, for one. I have also dropped my cell phone into the toilet. But who hasn’t done that or worse? I mean, everyone takes a cell phone to the bathroom now. You think subway poles in New York City have a lot of germs? Check out any random person’s phone, including your own. You should never eat right after touching your phone.
What I have come to realize, besides our general ickiness as a society, is that water doesn’t necessarily agree with me. I love, love, love hot tubs and baths. But I hate drinking water and water seems to hate me. Almost everything I own gets wet, falls in the toilet or sprayed upon. By the way, I was able to use my phone for a few weeks after dropping it in the toilet. So take that water! Of course, the karmic joke is on me as that was disgusting.
This has led me to believe everything needs to be waterproof. What’s so hard about that? My life would be so much easier if I didn’t have to worry about stepping over puddles or protecting my phone while I walk and text in the rain. If you could see my face right now, you’d see a hint of sarcasm. Yesterday, as we were waiting to turn right on green two adults were crossing the street with headphones on while reading their phone. Not once did they bother to see what traffic was headed their way. Do people not care or are they testing out the concept of Darwinism?
Anyway, I am happy to report that my new Samsung Edge phone is indeed water resistant. Sadly, my iPad not so much. My eye liner a total disaster. But that could have been due to my excessive eye rolling in a meeting. How about make up that stays fresh and doesn’t smudge no matter how incredulous or stupid the conversation that prompts you to rub your eyes or slap yourself awake? I’d bet anything, there’s a market for that.