So apparently, the internet has decided that not only do parallel universes exist (fine, physics, do your thing), but there’s also another version of me out there controlling me.

Like I’m some kind of emotional marionette.

Or worse, a cosmic voodoo doll.

Somewhere, allegedly, Alternate Me is sitting in her superior universe, sipping a smug oat milk latte, deciding a scenario similar to this:“You know what would be fun? Let’s make her send that awkward email. And maybe spiral a little at 2:13am. For character development.”

First of all, rude.

Second of all. Why does she get to be in charge?

Who elected her Prime Me? Was there a vote? A parallel electoral college? Did I miss a memo in 1997 while I was busy surviving adolescence?

Because if this is true, I have questions.

If Alternate Me is pulling the strings, then:

1. Why am I the one dealing with the consequences?
2. Why does she keep choosing chaos over convenience?
3. And why, for the love of all things rational, does she insist on making me remember that one embarrassing thing I said in 2008?

Is she bored? Is this entertainment? Am I basically her Netflix?

And here’s where it gets psychologically delicious. Because this idea, as absurd as it sounds, taps into something very human. That persistent, nagging feeling that there’s always something else influencing us.

Another version.
Another path.
Another choice we didn’t make.

A ghost life running parallel to this one.

We do this all the time without multiverse theories. We imagine the “other me” where its the one who said no instead of yes. Or the one who left earlier. Or the one who stayed. Perhaps, the one who didn’t send the text.

We don’t need a parallel universe to feel controlled by something unseen. We’ve got memory, regret, and imagination doing that job quite efficiently already.

But I’ll say this. If there is an Alternate Me out there controlling things, I’d like to file a formal complaint.

Maybe a strongly worded interdimensional memo.

Because if she’s going to be the puppet master, she could at least:

1. Improve my sleep schedule
2. Reduce unnecessary overthinking
3. Stop replaying conversations that literally no one else remembers

Honestly, the bar is low.

Until then, I’m going to assume that no one is controlling me and also quietly suspect that someone absolutely is.

Because why is there always something just out of reach?
Something just beyond explanation?
Something that whispers, “There’s more going on here…”

And why does it always feel so personal?

If that’s you, Alternate Me do better!

Sincerely,
The One Doing All the Work