I have spent my whole adult life proudly identifying as a morning person. Capital M, capital P. One of those people who pops up at 5 a.m. like a caffeinated meerkat. I cook breakfast. I answer emails. I’m on the elliptical pretending I’m gliding toward enlightenment all before 6 a.m. My staff swear they hear the ping of my emails from miles away, as if I’m some sort of productivity lighthouse guiding ships through the predawn fog.

(For the record: turn your notifications off. I am not the Beyoncé of email. You don’t owe me a callback before daylight.)

But lately I’ve noticed something deeply perplexing. Sociologically disturbing, even. Somewhere between the big cosmic shifts, the holiday stress, sudden bursts of creativity, and sheer stubbornness, I’ve become a night person as well. Eek.

Yes. I now shop online at midnight. I write emails then too. Watch out for the midnight pings. I binge-watch terrible TV that I promise myself I’m only going to “sample” and then suddenly it’s 1 a.m. and I’m debating the backstory of a character with the emotional complexity of a decorative throw pillow.

Here is my existential debate with myself.
So what am I now?
A morning person?
A night owl?
A productivity platypus?
A chronotype chimera?

Here’s what I am really. I am an insomniac with good intentions. Whew. There I said it. Own it.

Because unless I’ve secretly been endowed with Da Vinci’s polyphasic sleep superpowers, this schedule is not sustainable. Leonardo could nap for 15 minutes, paint the Mona Lisa, then go invent a flying machine. I, on the other hand, stay up late and somehow end up comparing prices on novelty kitchen gadgets I will never use. Who can I even donate them to becomes the next question.

Still, I can’t help feeling a strange pride. Maybe it’s the holidays. Maybe it’s the end-of-year push. Maybe it’s adulthood in its boss form. Or maybe it’s just who I am now. I’m a person who rises early, stays up late, and hopes the universe counts those as two separate beings for sleep-debt purposes.

If not, well at least I’m getting my steps in both morning and midnight. That part is healthy, right?