I used to say, even write at times, “it is what it is”. I would feel it strongly. I preached it. I passed it on as advice. Although, admittedly, the first time I heard someone tell me that in a meeting I frowned and “downgraded” in my mind. However, the more I heard people say it, I heard something different. I heard disempowered people using it quite often. Hence, I came to see that in a way, such a statement serves as a coping mechanism. If things are out of your control, then you can’t internalize a situation. You can compartmentalize your troubles. You can keep yourself, somewhat anxiety-free. And, who doesn’t want thst. Also, it is a coping tactic.
However, by stating such a statement, one also abdicates responsibility. Some people take the perspective, if there’s nothing that I can do about it, I don’t need to try. Now, if truly no path forward exists it would be foolishness to exert much effort. We all have much going on in our lives and can most assuredly find other reasonable paths to pursue.
Thus, I have told myself there has to be a more thoughtful bit of similar advice. And, hence my new philosophy: “if it is to be, it’s up to me.” (There’s a book by Thomas B. Smith with this title and how it relates to leadership development). Some things may be up to fate, but I can determine my fate. I have a hand in my options, even if others hold many cards. I like feeling empowered and filled with self-efficacy. And, I want to be able to act on that feeling. I still do adhere to Kenny Roger’s song bit that you have to know when to roll them, and know when to fold them. That’s being strategic. But more often than not, I am going to go for it and not let other’s pin me down in their own negativity, ennui, or diffusion of responsibility.
Categories: Culture, identity, mental health, Psychology, society
Ha! i Kid you not i just
Wrote ‘it is what is’ on
FB before i came here
And true i was
To say in at
Least other Words
‘If it is to be it is
Up to me’ so many
Folks rely on Heroes
To save them in Books
And on Screens
Will Wear these
Shoes of Real Victory
Those who wait on
Never Wake up..:)
Do what you can. It won’t be enough, but it is essential. (I’m sure that’s not original.)
It’s always key to remember that.
The old delicate balance between fate, and free will.
If you’re waiting for the universe to bring you to a better place, you’ll be waiting an eternity.
Fate brings you opportunities, and free will determines whether or not you take them. 🙂
Hear hear 🙂