Culture

Tired of being nice: Well, somewhat

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I started this bit, by stating that I am tired of being nice.   But that is not necessarily true.  See, I have built a whole life of being nice to others and helping the less fortunate.  Or so, I tell myself.  But here is the thing. I get, on average, five messages a week, from former staff going back decades who praise me for how I helped and mentored them in the past.  I get a great thrill of mentoring and helping others find their path. I am not really tired of being nice.  I like to think of it the way Lady Gaga thinks of her fans: as little monsters. They are her.

 

I am actually one hundred percent for still helping people and being as nice to people as possible.  Here is the thing.  I don’t have to go out of my way to help those that don’t help themselves.   Or rather that refuse to help themselves. I don’t need to help those that crap all over other people and then don’t even recognize their own crap. I don’t need to be nice to those with an evil, wicked grin. I jest. Or do I? I don’t have to be nice to those that will never be nice to me or my loved ones. I don’t have to be nice to those who have tested their karma with me.  I don’t need to be nice to those that I have given a multitude of chances. I could state a few more of these but you get my point.  So, when I am done. I am done.

 

Just today I held open the bank door for someone who was quite grateful. Then I held it for the person who came after and that person was not grateful. As a matter of fact, they seemed bothered and annoyed.  I still held open the door and moved on. Does it really cost someone all that much to say “thank you”?  I suppose for some people it very much may.

 

Sure, I want to be one of those individuals who states “hey can’t we all get along?” But apparently, we can’t.  And why should we? There are truly some people that are despicable and there is thus no need to make nice or be nice.  I am ok with lavishing and helping those that are good, nice people in need of help. I will always stand behind such people and give them my all or as much as I can. But I need not be nice to everyone. I know that is a weird, hard lesson, but there it is. And so it is and so I am.

4 replies »

  1. I feel like this occasionally, but try to remind myself that there aren’t ‘good’/’nice’ people and ‘bad’/’despicable’ people – only people that do some ‘good’ and some ‘bad’ things, or have some ‘good’ and some ‘bad’ days. As long as you know you are doing the right thing, whether it is recognised/responded to or not, ideally we would be content with that. Of course you also have to think about yourself and how best to spend your time & energy in order to be happy. Sometimes we have no idea of the positive (or negative) impact we are having on others. Great book recommendation on this – ‘Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine’ by Gail Honeyman (which taught me a lot about the often misguided impressions we have of others).

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