When I was a young girl, I was a major nerd that definitely tried to get in good with the teachers. I was sweet, timid and smart. The teachers did, for the most part, like me. I was their success story. When school district administrators came by my public school, I was often paraded about and made to perform math problems on the blackboard. Looking back, I wonder if I should have been more suspect about such parading. But I wanted to please my teachers.
I wanted to be a rockstar. As such, I often sat in the front of the class. Kids in the back of the classroom were the “bad kids”, the non-serious ones. Or that is how things were framed back then. Although, admittedly recent research still shows that better students may be the ones that tend to sit up front. I liked being up front, back then, and being able to see things up close.
That was then. This is now.
Now, I do not want to be upfront unless its at a concert or comedy show. Now that I am older I am one of those that wishes to stay at the back of the room at all costs. I want to be able to escape easily. I want to be able to stretch my legs. I want to be able to say snarky things under my breath without making the speaker (presenter, trainer) feel bad. Although I want to say snarky things I don’t necesarily want to be mean. Its in my DNA to be snarky and thus I must have a way to express my snarkiness. But it need not harm others. Thus, I must sit at the back of the room.
I went from being the teacher’s pet to being a challenging participant. I don’t know when in my life that change happenned but part of me thinks it happened because I became more self-confident. Also, I am way too busy to sit upfront and pay complete attention. I always have to look at my phone to see what craziness is occuring in my world. I need to be able to take in enough information while still making sure things are running smoothly elsewhere.
So, I started out a young girl at the front of the class. Now I enjoy being at the back. It’s slightly more fun.