I am a sugar junkie. I have no real shame in admitting it. It’s at the point where I do not find raw sugar to be sweet enough. It is the same problem that I have overall with salt in that even my salt needs salt.   Regular sugar does nothing to my coffee.  I need flavored syrup, sugar and then those powders they keep at the counter.  Yes, I am talking about buying lattes at Starbucks or Coffee bean. Whatever floats one boat.   I used to carry a bag of gummies to go with my coffees. sickening? Nah. I loved it.

Now that I have established my sugar habit let me discuss my attempt to walk a bit back from that habit.  I love the taste of sugar. I crave gummy worms and bears, but far prefer worms.  I have no idea what that preference is about or what it says about me. I think its that I am greedy. Worms are longer and thus more sugar than bears. Just writing about this is making me want a gummy worm. I am drooling from the thought.  However, I have come to recognize that I am getting older and thus am trying to cut back a moderate amount.  I allow myself one major dessert a week.

I did move to ordering sugar free syrups at starbucks.  Progress. I tried successfully for over 6 weeks to cut gummies and candy from my life. Then one day, I was not so successful.

I had a stressful day where I ate a big breakfast and did not have time to eat anything else. I was in one meeting after the other. I had a headache from all the jabbering and posturing. My mind and body needed a break. I needed sugar. I went into an extreme craving mode. I could taste the gummy worm in my mouth. I wanted sugar. I needed it.  I was 100% convinced I had to have it in order to keep going. Now that, my friend, is an intense feeling.  I came home and went through all my pantries. I tried to stuff my face with potato chips and while I love salt, the chips didn’t quite satisfy me. I needed sugar.

Then I remembered. I had stashed a box of lemon heads deep in my pantry slightly out of reach. In my desperation I must have grown a foot in height because I easily reached the stashed box of lemon heads.  I grabbed the box and had a moment of pure contentment. I reached into the box and pulled out a candy but then everything fell from my hands. I am extremely clumsy person. I walk into walls and hairs all the time. I have even walked into poles and had to call the emergency nurse as a result. I dropped all my candies. I desperately tried to gather them all as I sank to the floor. I looked around and wondered if I was really going to eat those candies that had fallen to the floor. Sure, I believe in the five second rule fro dropped food. But I also know how dirty my own floor is.  I shook my head at myself and gathered the candies but then put them into the garbage bag. I had shown restraint. I was so proud of myself. Then again, is it really restraint when  after all, I dropped everything and was disgusted by the thought of eating them off of the floor?   If I weren’t so clumsy would I not have eaten them?

Well, I did get my sugar and gummy fix. I ate a women’s vitamin gummy. How sad is that? Sigh. Well, the week after this sugar relapse incident, I did give in and eat some gummies. But that is because I have a few enablers in my household and that is a topic for another day.   For now, I am happy that I am a very clumsy person. It is good to be able to count on oneself.