I had a sugar relapse…but luckily I am clumsy



I am a sugar junkie. I have no real shame in admitting it. It’s at the point where I do not find raw sugar to be sweet enough. It is the same problem that I have overall with salt in that even my salt needs salt.   Regular sugar does nothing to my coffee.  I need flavored syrup, sugar and then those powders they keep at the counter.  Yes, I am talking about buying lattes at Starbucks or Coffee bean. Whatever floats one boat.   I used to carry a bag of gummies to go with my coffees. sickening? Nah. I loved it.

Now that I have established my sugar habit let me discuss my attempt to walk a bit back from that habit.  I love the taste of sugar. I crave gummy worms and bears, but far prefer worms.  I have no idea what that preference is about or what it says about me. I think its that I am greedy. Worms are longer and thus more sugar than bears. Just writing about this is making me want a gummy worm. I am drooling from the thought.  However, I have come to recognize that I am getting older and thus am trying to cut back a moderate amount.  I allow myself one major dessert a week.


I did move to ordering sugar free syrups at starbucks.  Progress. I tried successfully for over 6 weeks to cut gummies and candy from my life. Then one day, I was not so successful.

I had a stressful day where I ate a big breakfast and did not have time to eat anything else. I was in one meeting after the other. I had a headache from all the jabbering and posturing. My mind and body needed a break. I needed sugar. I went into an extreme craving mode. I could taste the gummy worm in my mouth. I wanted sugar. I needed it.  I was 100% convinced I had to have it in order to keep going. Now that, my friend, is an intense feeling.  I came home and went through all my pantries. I tried to stuff my face with potato chips and while I love salt, the chips didn’t quite satisfy me. I needed sugar.

Then I remembered. I had stashed a box of lemon heads deep in my pantry slightly out of reach. In my desperation I must have grown a foot in height because I easily reached the stashed box of lemon heads.  I grabbed the box and had a moment of pure contentment. I reached into the box and pulled out a candy but then everything fell from my hands. I am extremely clumsy person. I walk into walls and hairs all the time. I have even walked into poles and had to call the emergency nurse as a result. I dropped all my candies. I desperately tried to gather them all as I sank to the floor. I looked around and wondered if I was really going to eat those candies that had fallen to the floor. Sure, I believe in the five second rule fro dropped food. But I also know how dirty my own floor is.  I shook my head at myself and gathered the candies but then put them into the garbage bag. I had shown restraint. I was so proud of myself. Then again, is it really restraint when  after all, I dropped everything and was disgusted by the thought of eating them off of the floor?   If I weren’t so clumsy would I not have eaten them?

Well, I did get my sugar and gummy fix. I ate a women’s vitamin gummy. How sad is that? Sigh. Well, the week after this sugar relapse incident, I did give in and eat some gummies. But that is because I have a few enablers in my household and that is a topic for another day.   For now, I am happy that I am a very clumsy person. It is good to be able to count on oneself.




2 replies »

  1. I blame nearly any craving on body and/or brain chemistry. If you have not developed either diabetes or high blood pressure as a result of your otherwise benign cravings/addictions, why fight them? Be yourself and go with the flow(s). You have enough other sources for stress in your life. Don’t add to them, if you don’t have to, by fighting what comes naturally.


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