In a move that feels equal parts dystopian and deeply on-brand for 2026, Dating.com has announced it’s hiring its first-ever Chief Breakup Officer. This is a person whose full-time job is to end other people’s relationships for them. I’m sorry, is this not just Human Resources with better […]
So apparently, we’ve decided death needed a software update. Enter the “grief bot.” An AI-powered, eerily chipper digital version of your dead loved one which is ready to text you back, remember your birthday, and maybe even say the things they never quite managed to say while alive. […]
Researchers have discovered something deeply comforting about human connection. We don’t actually bond over shared values, hopes, or dreams. No no. We bond over what we can’t stand. This explains a lot. You’re at a party. You could try to ask someone “What brings you joy?” Or you […]
There are bad decisions and then there are parade-level, caught-on-camera, what exactly did you think was going to happen here decisions. A woman, now former executive at JPMorgan Chase, attends a parade, presumably to celebrate, soak in joy, maybe grab a T-shirt cannon freebie like a normal person. […]
Apparently, we’re speaking about 300 fewer words a day than we used to. Three hundred. That’s not just a statistic. That’s a slow, collective quieting.And honestly? I believe it. Because somewhere between “call me when you get there” and “k,” we decided full sentences were optional. We don’t […]
Of course this exists. Somewhere along the timeline where we started tracking our steps, optimizing our sleep, and assigning moral value to hydration, it was only a matter of time before happy hour got clinically evaluated. Enter: the “barmacy.” Because why just decompress with friends when you can […]
So apparently, the internet has decided that not only do parallel universes exist (fine, physics, do your thing), but there’s also another version of me out there controlling me. Like I’m some kind of emotional marionette. Or worse, a cosmic voodoo doll. Somewhere, allegedly, Alternate Me is sitting […]
Somewhere in 2017, over 100 employees boarded planes for what was marketed as a “corporate retreat.” You know the type. Growth. Bonding. Vision. Probably a PowerPoint with the word synergy in it. What they got instead? A fever dream. This is what supposedly happen but recall can certainly […]
In a brief and deeply questionable moment of maternal devotion (read: mania), I signed up for an online “marketplace” while searching for grain-free pizza for my son. Marketplace is doing a lot of work here. It’s a supermarket. Let’s not get fancy. Within approximately four minutes, I realized […]
There is a very specific kind of existential betrayal that happens sometime between 1:12 a.m. and “I definitely didn’t mean to fall asleep.” You’re watching a show.Something dependable. Structured. Predictable. Let’s say Law & Order. There are rules here: 1. There is a crime2. There are detectives3. There […]
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