Lately, I’ve come to accept that my phone knows me better than my closest friends.  Which is both impressive and deeply disturbing. Every time I open a social media app, the algorithm whispers softly, “You good?” and then promptly floods me with dog videos, mental health affirmations, and ads for magnesium gummies that promise to soothe my “anxious overachiever nervous system.”

It’s like living with a digital therapist who never stops diagnosing you.

Some mornings, I’ll scroll and see:

A cat hugging another cat.
A meme about setting boundaries.
A 30% off sale on weighted blankets.

And then, just for spice, a video of someone making pumpkin bread in total silence while soft jazz plays in the background.

By post number seven, I start to wonder if I’m radiating seasonal burnout energy.

The scary part? The algorithm isn’t wrong. I do love a good dog video. I am probably in need of magnesium. And I have, in fact, thought way too hard about buying a candle called “Emotional Reset.”

The algorithm has become the modern-day Rorschach test.  Scroll long enough, and your psyche will reveal itself in the chaos of your feed. You like videos of people decluttering? Control issues. You save 17 recipes but never cook them? Aspirational living meets executive dysfunction. You click on “how to stop caring what people think”? Yeah. You care what people think.

And don’t get me started on the ads. They’re practically Freudian. I searched for hiking boots once, and now I’m being shown ads for off-grid cabins, composting toilets, and “relationship detox retreats.” Slow down, Instagram.  I said hike, not *hide from society.

Sometimes I think my algorithm might be rooting for me, though. It knows I need the serotonin rush of a golden retriever wearing sunglasses after a long day. It knows I can’t resist a motivational post telling me to “romanticize my life” even if I’m just romanticizing eating a reheated slice of pizza while watching reruns of Gilmore Girls.

And, maybe that’s the beauty of it. The algorithm reflects back the little fragments of what we crave which can run from joy, distraction, connection in between all the noise.

Still, I do wonder if one day it will go too far. Like, will it start sending me notifications that say:
“Based on your recent scrolling, we’ve scheduled you a therapy session and a nap. You’re welcome.”

Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad. And, it’s ok.