The other day, while walking to work with coffee in hand, existential dread lightly simmering, I passed a young woman passionately lip-syncing into her phone, mid-stride, with choreography that would’ve made Paula Abdul proud. Yes, a really old reference here. And there I was, a blur in the background, looking like a half-woke cryptid in office flats. Again.

Because here’s the truth of modern life: we are all extras now. Background players. Supporting cast members in someone else’s TikTok, YouTube short, IG story, or oddly cinematic livestream of eating yogurt on a park bench.

It’s the new social contract no one agreed to: step outside, and you’re probably being filmed, accidentally, awkwardly, or ambiently. No makeup? Pimple patch on? Eyebrows not fully aligned? Doesn’t matter. You’re already someone’s background B-roll.

Just ask that couple caught on the Coldplay kiss cam. You know the viral moment that was meant to capture love but allegedly exposed a cheating scandal? There they were, thinking they were just vibing to Viva la Vida (or whichever song that was) and next thing you know, their affair’s being analyzed on Reddit with Zapruder-level detail. “Enhance. Zoom. Is that her co-worker ducking out” Blink twice if you didn’t know this would become international content.

I, for one, have taken precautionary measures and well-being tactics. Like a celebrity fleeing TMZ, I often walk with a chic yet functional umbrella, even on perfectly clear days. Is it to shade from sun? Nope. It’s my low-budget witness protection program. I don’t need to be a two-bit background player in your “How I Manifested My Dream Job” vlog. I’m manifesting coffee and uninterrupted commutes, thank you very much.

And it’s not just sidewalks. Even the subway, once a haven for silent judgment and questionable aromas, has become a soundstage. I’ve seen full monologues performed in front of sleeping commuters, dance routines between stops, and people narrating the art of just sitting there. Mundane is now monetized. If you think you’re invisible, think again. Your blank stare is probably in someone’s “POV: You’re burned out but still going to work” montage.

So here’s a survival guide:

Wear the shades. Indoor or out. Mystery matters.

Put on the lipstick or the war paint. Whatever gets you camera-ready.

Own the walk. If you’re going to be in the background, at least look fabulous doing it.

And above all: check for cameras before adjusting your bra strap (or any other well-fitting clothing item) in public. (We’ve all been there.)

Because in this world, everyone’s the director of their own life movie, and everyone else? Just passersby in the periphery. But me? I’ll be in the shadows with my umbrella, dodging stardom one TikTok at a time.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to prepare my “caught unbothered on camera” look just in case.