Just when we thought we could enjoy summer in peace, bare feet on the grass, a little iced coffee on the porch, a moment of non-crisis they’re back. No, not your ex. Not that coworker who still “forgets” to CC you on emails. I’m talking about the Spotted Lanternflies.

Yes, those invasive polka-dotted pests who flutter in like bad karma wearing wings. We thought maybe (just maybe) we had a reprieve this year. A ceasefire. A break from the flying circus of destruction. But no. Like that one friend who always asks to crash “just for a night” and ends up staying two weeks with weird dietary requests, they’ve returned.

And they are back to their old, unholy ways.

Feeding. Obliterating. Ruining trees like they’re on some entomological revenge tour. What do we have to fight back? Not much, folks. Just some Dawn dish soap spray and sticky tree tape, which, let’s be honest, feels less like pest control and more like DIY emotional support.

And here’s where it gets deep because of course it does. I’m a psychologist with three dogs and a front porch full of opinions.

The spotted lanternfly is the perfect metaphor for the recurring toxic presence in your life. You know the type: the ex who texts “hey” at 2:43 AM just when your mental health stabilizes. The coworker who hasn’t had a new idea since 2014 but still gets invited to the strategy meeting. The bad habit you thought you squashed but suddenly it’s Tuesday night and you’re three episodes deep into a reality show you swore off and there’s a pint of ice cream that wasn’t even on your shopping list.

What does the Dawn soap spray even do? It disorients them. That’s it. You still have to squish them. YOU. With your own shoe or paper towel or moral resolve. Just like in real life: the tools may soften the blow, but you’ve still got to do the squashing.

And meanwhile, the trees? The poor trees! Just trying to grow, mind their own leafy business, and suddenly they’re oozing sap and dying inside. I’ve seen people like that. People drained by a thousand little lanternfly interactions. People trying to bloom while someone else sucks the life out of their bark.

So here’s today’s truth from the psychologist’s bug-swatting porch:

1) Not every return means redemption.
2) Some things (and people) are just destructive by nature.
3) And, sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself is grab the soap, take a breath, and squish the damn thing.

Repeatedly, if necessary.