There’s a point in the never-ending cycle of what we might loosely call “everyday life” where you just have to pause and wonder—did someone change the operating system of reality without telling us? Because it sure feels like we’re running on some beta-version software where bugs aren’t being reported; they’re just being added as features.

I’m sitting here, fingers hovering over the keyboard, trying to map out a quick escape. You know, a little trip somewhere that might remind me what it feels like to take a deep breath without also bracing for the next piece of surreal news. It’s not even a high bar at this point: a solid three days of not tripping over the latest plot twist in the ongoing soap opera that is life. And yet, the world seems determined to offer up increasingly bizarre obstacles.

Take the latest travel advice: go somewhere nearby, but make sure it’s far enough to still feel like a getaway. What? Do they want me to pitch a tent in my backyard, wave a mini national flag, and declare it “The Republic of Backyardia?” After all, it’s far enough not to answer the door and close enough that if you forget toothpaste, you can just go inside. I’ll consider it… if I don’t run out of options.

But in truth, I’m craving more than just any ol’ change of scenery. I need a destination that feels like it could pause the absurdity long enough for me to catch my breath. So, I’ve been pouring over potential destinations. Perhaps a beach in Costa Rica, with waves rhythmically rolling in like a gentle, reassuring pat on the back saying, “It’s all right, you’re not the only one who thinks everything is a little off-kilter.” Or maybe a quiet alleyway in Lisbon, where I can sip an espresso and briefly pretend that the world is still operating on version 1.0, bug-free.

The question isn’t “where can I go?” but “where can I go to not be greeted by another circus sideshow the moment I land?” Because sometimes, all you’re asking for is a few days where you don’t wake up to headlines that read like the worst mix of dystopian fiction and bad comedy.

So, here’s to finding that elusive trip, that rare slice of sanity in a world that’s more kaleidoscope than looking glass. And if not, well, there’s always the Republic of Backyardia. Membership benefits include not having to change out of your pajamas, free access to your own bathroom, and a zero percent chance of bumping into another plot twist while you’re there. Tempting, isn’t it?

In the meantime, I’ll just keep searching for a destination that’s less “what next?” and more “ah, finally.” Is that too much to ask for in 2024?