This still hurts a lot: RIP Anthony Bourdain


I already expressed my devastation on Twitter and Facebook. But I am still haunted. And, I need to expand on the 250 characters I used to describe my immediate sadness.  I was saddened when kate Spade committed suicide.   I am just devastated at the fact that Anthony Bourdain killed himself this week as well.


I felt a special kinship with him although I never met him. He attended Vassar College way back when. He didn’t graduate. However, as a Vassar alumna myself, I felt that connection with him. He was a die-hard New Yorker. And New York is in my blood, heart and mind, now and forever.  He wrote a fabulous book called Kitchen Confidential that I read cover to cover without stopping. His two television shows took me on journeys that I wanted to do on my own as well.


But I felt connected to him for other reasons. He was raw. He was open. He was colorful. He was vivid. He was broken. He was sad. He was thoughtful. He was hungry. He was joyous. He was a renegade chef.  He was curious. He was open-minded.  He was an explorer and encouraged us all to go on our own adventures throughout the world. He was unique in some ways. But he was also like everyone else. So many people are hungry, joyous and sad at the same time.  And, it hurts to witness such pain wrapped up in momentary exhibitions of exuberance and hope. Last I looked, there were well over a million tweets about him and his suicide. People mourning and wondering “why, why, why?”


For someone like me who is a foodie and who has lived in 17 cities and looking forward to more, I end this piece with this follwoing quote from Bourdain.

“If I am an advocate for anything, it is to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. Walk in someone else’s shoes or at least eat their food. It’s a plus for everybody.”

Word, Anthony! May you finally be in peace.



Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-talk (8255)

13 replies »

  1. I looked forward to Bourdain’s “Parts Unknown” adventures weekly. He was funny and adventurous, gracious and welcoming to all cultures. I want to rewatch the Jersey episode with his brother; they lived there. And the Vietnam episode with President Obama. And all the New York ones!

    Anthony Bourdain’s suffering was invisible to his viewers. He did his job well and joyfully, but apparently there was that sad undercurrent. Amazing how many of us loved him. I’m sure he knew but the demons just took over.

    What a huge loss to the world. Thanks for posting this and adding the Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-talk (8255) .


  2. Been there almost done that and didn’t get the T-shirt. You push yourself to be up, up, up, bury yourself in your work and then let go. You’re alone. The past distorts so that you remember the bad and minimize the good, like wearing very dark sunglasses as you review your life.

    I did not have the option of antidepressants then. He had the option but just didn’t take them, very common among depressed people. Can’t allow others to see your darkness, they won’t want to be around you anymore. Everything is worse when you are exhausted and your defenses are lowest.

    You cannot save another person. You can only help them to save themselves – assuming they let you.

    Liked by 1 person

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