I’m ok with silence now I have to work on empty spaces 



A long, long time ago I came to understand that silence is ok. There was a time when things seemed awkward if two or more people sat in silence. The mind would race to find small talk topics and fingers would fidget. Silence would feel like an indictment on the state of relationships as it would be taken to mean that people had nothing in common.
Then I came to realize that there is such a thing as a comfortable silence.
Overall, I can (we all can) enjoy the silence. I can sit in a room with others and be ok with no one saying a word. Silence can be a signal of trust and interconnectedness. In psychology, there is also the understanding that about every seven minutes or so, a natural lull in a conversation occurs. And, that is ok. Furthermore, friends don’t always necessarily laugh at the same time. Yet, acquaintances more often than not laugh in sync. That is because as an acquaintance you feel socially obligated to laugh together. Once your friends you can laugh an hour later after a joke, if you wish. Well, a slight exaggeration.


Now that I am ok with silence, and gaps in conversations, I need to also be ok with empty spaces. I grew up in small apartments and we had a lot of items. We were always packed. Then I lost many of my belongings and for a while didn’t own much that couldn’t fit into a car. Not that I had a car. After a while, I started rebuilding my life collection, per se. I still have shoes that I bought 15 years ago. Luckily, my shoe size has always been a constant.  As I started owning more things, I took pride in seeing them. I liked being able to fill up spaces. When you move from an apartment to a house, you start filling up. That’s what happened in New York. And it is what will probably happen here in Los Angeles.


Let me explain


At the moment, I have several spaces that are empty in my new house. In particular, I have a lot of unused space in my bedroom. I am happy that there is this blank space. However, I keep looking at the space wondering what I will put in its place. I know that I will probably make my way to the Pasadena flea market and there will be some interesting furnishings and artwork.   But should I buy anything? Should I look? Perhaps I need to learn to be ok with empty spaces and let them be.  I can just look at the empty spaces and think of possibilities.  If I were to furnish those spaces quickly then I cut off many other possibilities. I need to leave them somewhat empty so that I can grow more “organically” into my new space. Does that sound weird?   Probably. However, that is where my head is at these days.



The empty spaces, would still be taken up by us-the living creatures of the house. I most certainly can take up a new dance routine in those spaces. I also can adopt a doggie and he can find and claim his space.   I like this idea of room for growth. Let’s see how strictly I come to abide by the concept.

11 replies »

  1. Silence complete absence of sound tranquility direct definition taken from Wikipedia! I enjoy tranquility and find myself to be in a tranquil state of mind in the mornings. Although our minds are on 24/7 alert… we don’t or sometimes can’t turn them of… being silent in no way means that your drawing a blank au contraire the mind continues to work for example thoughts rushing threw your mind in what you need to do planning your day, projects to try. Rarely do we take a moment of silence to draw a blank and listen to the rain, or the birds. Lufe society often does not permit us to do so… because there are not enough hours in the day! This is why silence often exists in a room full of people.. or let’s just say two people… two people who understand each other and are on the same level can sit sipping coffe and go about their things without saying a word for 1 hour… contemplating on projects and things to be done, then arrive in a full head on conversation for 10 minutes everything said and done.. and the mind needs to reciprocate. Silence within a relationship may be awkward at times and this could mean something totally different… should I say what I feel… depending on the relationship and maybe hard times, do I want to impose… is it a good time, this is a silence of refraining from what may need to be said.. this is a wrong Silence! Every voice needs to be heard! Your post was a good for thought! Now for the empty spaces…. clutter hoarding come to mind… since I lost my mom I have literally stopped consuming in every sense and défendrions of the word.. I was a big consumer of everything… clothes, art, kitchen stuff, jewelry, gadgets…more clothes… more stuff… whatever you can think of…where in the end you realize what does it give to have all that stuff? It’s been 3 years since mom has passed away. And ever since I believe I have bought 10 pieces of clothing… and that only because I have gained so much weight… so only necessities… because where will it all go? Dad passed away 1 year ago, and there too… all that stuff…. money spent for things which are of no value! It’s not what you have but who you are and what will be let to be remembered! So leave that empty space alone and look around rearrange the stuff you have! For one day it will be a space where one will sit in silence and remember!
    You bring the writer out of me. And I like it! Sitting in silence and thinking of the past the present and the futur!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I too have been getting used to being ok with silence. I am also working on the empty spaces thing. While planning to move across the country, I’m dumping everything that I don’t use or need right now. I pretty much only want to own what fits in my car, except for like one shelf that I love and my TVs (which I could do without, but those suckers are expensive!). It’s really freeing to not have so much stuff, and to quote Stepbrothers “There’s so much room for activities!”…which is awesome. I’m also finding that by keeping my possessions in small quantities, I’m more ok with having a smaller living space, which generally saves money. Love minimalizing my life, and space is a good thing, it does take some getting used to though.


  3. This piece touched me (an introverted minimalist) because the message is an important one that is so often overlooked. It seems like people are desperate to avoid silence or emptiness of space as if they are bad things. In reality, I think silence and minimalism are lights that guide us to inner peace and stillness. People clutter up their lives with so much noise and stuff in order to drown out the pain they are too afraid to feel. Anyway, thank you for this food for thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Realizing we have a problem is the first step! Haha I think prioritizing experiences over things is something not enough people do, we’re raised to value Christmas and Birthdays and as a result you’re right we really can’t help ourselves. It’s a bit sad

    Liked by 2 people

I welcome your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s