Humor

Make a left “sucker”

I don’t drive. Don’t know how to drive. But I ride shotgun a lot. Thus, I know how to find good radio stations, be on the lookout for cops hiding around certain curvy spots (not that we are doing anything wrong), and double check the GPS directions. That’s what I believe I am supposed to do as the person sitting in the front non-driver’s seat. I’m also supposed to make sure, as best I can, that we make the needed turns and that I remain in the lookout for humans who don’t know how to cross a street. That would be a plurality of Angelinos. I’m not throwing shade. It just is.

 

This past week I have been a bit remiss in my car duties, as I have been sick. I have had bad nausea and headaches. Migraines. Thus, I have not been totally on the lookout. I also had to push back my seat so that I could lay down. The traffic is so bad in Los Angeles, that getting to work is grand torture when you are not feeling well.

 

Today, I kept my head down as we slowly crept up in traffic. Amazing how just a few miles can take a good 40 minutes. And the fumes around the car were just a bit toxic today. Well, they are always a bit toxic. Did you know that there are oil wells in the city? You are constantly immersed in some haze.

 

As I kept my head down, the GPS was just waiting and waiting to see when we could move.  We use Waze which basically tries to get one around traffic by having you take really dangerous left turns. I am not making this up. Now Aneglinos are constantly taking these odd side streets because they are trying to shave off a second here and there from their commute time.

 

Back to my headache.

 

I was in so much pain we had to at some point pull into a gas station to get extra strength tylenol.  At the end of the day, I didn’t want to continue to take more pain killers. Thus, I tolerated the long car ride sans pain meds.

 

As we sat in traffic we needed some distraction. We changed the voice on the GPS system and got quite a treat. It was Mr T’s voice and he did not sound like he would tolerate us making any turns he did not sanction or direct us to take.   At one point he screamed at us to “make a left sucker!”. It was a great way to try to tolerate the standstill LA traffic. My headache eased just a bit from the levity.


 

It got me thinking. Instead of an easy button, perhaps I could just use Mr T’s voice and directives around the office, sidewalks and stores.  Would that not be so cool? He could motivate you with a constant “I pity the fool” stream. I certainly would be entertained.

7 replies »

  1. Interesting thoughts. UPS trucks are told not to make left turns because they waste too much time waiting to turn so I guess they go an extra block, turn right, turn right again and then go straight across? I don’t know their logistics but they seem pretty good. I once worked on the railroad where a time efficiency expert followed us around with a stopwatch and a clipboard. I quit soon after that. I hope you find some better cures for the migraines as I know there are some new ones that have come online recently. Cheers!

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  2. I’m more of a Morgan Freeman’s voice kind of person…but then again he might not be good as a GPS as he might put you to sleep….and I can’t see that being a good thing in a moving vehicle heehee. Hope your headaches get better. As a fellow migraine sufferer I totally understand.

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  3. Thought you might appreciate and/or get a chuckle out of this fb post from an OC friend.
    “It took me 1 3/4 hrs to drive 33 miles home from LAX Airport–brutal traffic, but it was worth it as I picked up Ryan from his month-long Santorini trip! The first meal he wanted was Jersey Mike’s sub!! They can’t wait for him to come back to work!!
    He got an “A” for this class and instead of souvenirs, he brought back a bunch of rocks for his collection. A geologist through and through!! ”
    From what other OC friends have told me, instead of taking a long time to get there, one now has a hard time getting around the airport there instead!
    On the other hand, now when I have to fly somewhere, I will sometimes drive the 2 3/4 hours to Nashville, but not Atlanta, since auto traffic in the former, even though it has grown a lot in the five years since I moved from there, is nowhere near the latter. In addition, BNA is on the east side while ATL is on the south side. This means I don’t have to drive thru town to get to the former as I would to the latter.

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