My morning rant: I am offended by decaf 

Here it goes. Nothing is going to stop me now. It’s been swelling up inside of me. It’s been boiling up inside of me. It’s been driving my nuts. I have to let it out. I have to ventilate.

But let me set the context….
Last week I had three days in a row where I had to sit in a number of meetings that were between 3 and 6 hours long.  Three hours was the minimum length. For some people that’s a nap, a great hike, or a thrilling concert. For me three hours is a meeting. And not just a one-off. Sigh. Sigh and sigh.
On the second day of my meeting marathon, I was in the midst of a six hour meeting in a freezing room. I’m a pack rat that is always prepared. Thus, even though this is Los Angeles and it was 90 degrees out, I had brought a light hoodie with me. Others sort of laughed at me when I took it out and placed it on my backseat.

Then the room started getting colder and colder. My fingers were turning numb as I looked out the window onto a sunny tableau.  I put on my hoodie completely; meaning I even wore the hood part. It was cold. Slowly others started noticing the cold as well and started shivering. We couldn’t find the temperature control panel. Others started noting how fortunate I was. That was not fortune. That was smarts and preparedness from years of travel across this country that loves it’s air conditioning. But I digress and I must vent.

Someone finally offered a logical solution. They offered us entry to the staff kitchen so that we could get coffee and warm up. Yes!!!
We headed over like zombies from the walking dead and went into the kitchen one by one. Then a low rumble. There was just decaf coffee. I must have made a face as if a skunk had just sprayed us in absolute fear for its life.  I was further aghast when they started pouring themselves the decaf coffee. I turned around and walked out. I decided to do stretches and pace around to make my fitbit happy. It warned me up some. The others finally came back into the room with their decaf coffees in hand asking me why I didn’t have one since I was so cold. I just shook my head. I was completely offended that we had been offered decaf. But I bit my tongue. A rarity for me. I let it fester inside me.
When you have meeting upon meeting, caffeine is a necessity. It is being a good host as well.
The next day I was in a 4 hour long meeting that started an hour late! An hour. Who does that? Then they were serving water. Yuck. And ginger ale (yummy but..). No caffeine. I thought my mind and eyes were deceiving me. I grabbed a Ginger ale and preceded you feel sleepy. By the 4th hour, I had to leave even though the meeting was still going.
I went home and gulped down a coke zero. The next day I had three coke zeros, two coffees and an espresso and still slept well.

Don’t deny me or other our caffeine. Decaf just won’t do. It just won’t.

7 replies »

  1. What the hell kinda professional establishment doesn’t have regular coffee? Who’s ready for that slap in the face? It’s not like you’re going over to your militant vegan friends’ house and know you have to eat ahead of time just to survive. No, this is coffee. The gurgling sound of a coffeemaker is the universal symbol for Possibly Crappy, Definitely High Octane. Just because we have to put unleaded in our cars now doesn’t mean we have to deprive our bodies as well. We won’t stand for this! We protest! We reserve the right to vibrate! We–

    –sips long from coffee cup–

    –need to pick up more creamer from the store.


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