crime

If a zombie apocalypse is going to happen: It will be in August

 

A decade or two ago, I used to work for the Federal Government. Specifically, the Department of Justice. As such, I would be able to tell you when, if you were so planning, to commit a crime and flee the country. Edward Snowden didn’t need my advice but that is because he knew the same thing I did.  There are two great times to do so. There is the month of May and the month of December. I will let you figure out why this is so. Ok. You twisted my arm. Government employees’ minds are elsewhere during these times and the offices that specifically go after fleeing criminals is the equivalent of Siberia for government employees. Thus, well, lets just say you have a fair chance at succeeding. Note that Snowden escaped to Hong Kong in the month of May.

Mind you this piece is not about criminal activity. But this all goes to show you that there are certain times of the year that are optimal for certain nefarious activities. Before I go any further, let me assure you that I do NOT have access to the Roswell papers. Let’s return to the topic of August and the pending apocalypse. I am not saying that it will occur. I am just noting that if it were to occur, August presents a good time for it to occur.

Here in the United States, August is a time of blahs and transitions. Summer is rapidly coming to an end. Kids are going back to school. Back when I was younger, I seem to recall school starting in September, but somehow this timeline has creeped up. Across the country the gardens are starting to look a bit sad as they begin withering.  There are no holidays to try to perk one up in August. Work seems unending. Did you know that National Lazy Day and National Failure Day are commemorated in August?What ennui!   We just are like sloths on the verge of becoming zombies.  Yes, our zombie apocalypse starts with our state of mind.  But it has long been coming in terms of our collective spirit.

In that vein, the Chinese ghost month comes to a head on August 17th this year.  For a month, ghosts are wandering freely around the earth. I wonder if Marilyn Monroe is one such ghost considering that she died in the month of August decades ago. Add to that, Princess Diana also died in the month of August close to two decades ago. Historically, August has been quite a deadly month. Back in August 26, 1883 one of the most catastrophic volcanic eruptions in recorded history occurred on the Indonesian island of Krakatoa where 36,000 people died across that area. -In one of the worst maritime disasters, on August 29, 1792, 900 men drowned on the British battleship Royal George. And of course, how can we not mention that the US dropped the atomic bomb in the month of August as World War II was winding down?

And with this opening, can come the apocalypse. With the humans walking around as zombies already and the ghosts happily and angrily populating the earth’s atmosphere, anything can happen.

Did you know that from August 12 to 13, the Perseids shower is hitting out earth at full force? This is not a new phenomena.  Year after year this occurs.  Could this be why the television appears to be talking to you at weird times of the night? These meteors could be what has been bringing us down collectively. These meteors could be a way for the zombies from the universe to hitchhike a ride in. I think its time we pay just a tad more attention to this shower. John Denver sang about in in his  song “Rocky Mountain High“, with the chorus lyric, “I’ve seen it raining fire in the sky.” And we all thought it was just a folksy song. It may have been much more than that.

Ghosts are roaming the earth freely. We have got bad mojo and karma. The earth is hyper electrified. Be on the lookout. Go ahead and watch that Centers for Disease Control video on what to do should zombies attack.

Plan your evacuation route now…..

3 replies »

  1. That is great news. After watching all the series of The Walking Dead and Fear the Walking Dead I can’t wait to put my Zombie skills into practice. If you get any more precise dates, Stateside, let us know in the UK so we can prepare 🙂 Loved the post by the way.

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