I know I am Santa Claus at home but what about the other wacky identities out there?

We opened Christmas gifts a day early at home as we will be flying out to Berlin on Christmas Eve.  And, it couldn’t have turned out any better than that. I now get to go on the plane, tightly holding my son’s hands, while he keeps squealing “Thanks Santa Claus! Mom, he really likes me.”  That’s my son, folks -a future Sally Field in the making.  My heart is filled with such grand joy at his happiness and at the fact that he believes Santa Claus really likes him. He still believes in Santa Claus. I think I stopped believing in Santa at a very early age.  I was a Nuyorican growing up in the South Bronx. I came out of the womb jaded, sarcastic and already wearing all black clothing.  My son, he is the epitome of cheeriness. I just thank my lucky stars he believes so deeply in the magic of the season.  Although, I didn’t necessarily believe in Santa Claus growing up, I get to pretend to be him now and my son knows Santa really, really likes him. That’s my hero always and forever.

Here are some other wacky changed identities from this past week’s news.

No, you didn’t win that Oscar.  A man who was in a coma woke up one day knowing how to speak French (which he didn’t know how to do before). Well, we have heard that type of story before. He is the kicker. He also woke up thinking he was Matthew McConaughey.  Nice! At least he didn’t wake up thinking he was Charles Manson.

99 or 114-your call. Facebook is run by millennials. We know that. They also don’t seem to believe that there are really old people out there that may want a Facebook account. That is what happened to Anna Stoehr from Minnesota. She was 114 years old but she had to lie about her age in order to get a Facebook account. That is messed up. Eventually, she signed up as a 99 year old person and write to Facebook saying “I’m still here.” Good for her. Sadly, she just passed away.  May her go-get them spirit live on!

She’s a late-night talker… A Connecticut man just wanted to sleep. That’s all. Yet, his wife was a “babbler”.  How did he address the situation? He called the cops on her. Divorce Court coming up soon?

Are you a clown or a teacher?  We all know that teachers have it hard these days. They don’t get paid well, they often have to kick in some of their own money for school supplies and children are severely distracted these days by electronics.  What’s a teacher to do? Well, you can act like a clown. An Oklahoma teacher went ahead and did just that, sort of. She wanted to take students on a candy run. Thus, she fit 11 of them into her tiny car. She was soon fired. But she may find employment elsewhere where pulling the impossible is called for. I, for one, am impressed.

How far can you go?  Although, nowhere near as crazy and cramped as in Japan, New York subways can get rather claustrophobic. Nothing bothers straphangers more than seeing a man taking up more than his fair share of subway space by spreading his legs wide. Wait? Is that the right terminology?  Anyway there is a new social marketing campaign to address this “manspreading” behavior. Gosh, I hope that phrase does not become the new truthiness or vaping (look them up..).

Billy Bob lives on. I believe this is my second Bad Santa reference this week. I loved that movie. Billy Bob Thornton was just so mean-spirited and ridiculous. Anyway, there were a couple of men that got into a fight over Mrs. Claus and Santa Claus just took out a gun and shot the man in the chest.  Who needs the movie theatre anymore, really?

Lonely girl, no more. Ok. I am not too sure I even get this next story. All I can say is that I truly love Japan and wish I could go there every year. Anyway, a Japanese travel agency is offering wedding packages where women can get all dolled up and troll the streets of say Kyoto even if there is no fiancée.   You get to be a blushing bride for a day with tons of attention heaped onto you. I suppose there is something to this.

Shakespeare gone wild. A few inventive and perhaps sadistic producers decided to put on a Shakespeare play that used such jarring costumes and makeup that audience members fainted away. I think I’ll pass.

Oops, he inhaled. A reporter set out to do a hard-hitting piece on drugs. Instead he ended up with the giggles having inhaled way too much smoke from the burning heroin pile. It’s a funny video and makes you wonder why don’t more of us have such fun jobs?

Random animal story. So, a sheep got dressed in Christmas clothing and went out for  stroll in the middle of town. Why not?

Random ATM story. A pair of hunters set about their hunting business when all of a sudden they come across an ATM in the middle of the woods.  Why not?

Why not? Indeed? Take on any identity you want for Christmas but just be aware of the possible repercussions.

Happy wacky holidays