There are those that argue that our personalities are hard-wired from the very beginning of our time in the world. Others note that we are a tabula rasa and are beings are filled in throughout time. I like to think we have certain predispositions that manifest when the time is right and when the context calls for them to rise. I also believe that we change and morph as we learn more about the world through exposure.
I was always a chatterbox at home but kind of shy once I hit high school. For many that is the same story as well. If my 18 year-old self could see me now, I think I would like myself for I have continued to evolve. My core being is still the same. I have always had strong beliefs now I just assert them more forcefully. Even still I have been easygoing in the sense that I rarely say “no” to requests. I always figure I can handle it and get it done.
Yesterday, I evolved a bit more. I attended a series of infuriating business meetings where individuals seemed to not realize how crazy they were in their demands. Either that o they just don’t care about how crazy they are. Which is entirely possible these days. First up, I was in a meeting where everyone kept saying we should read this document and that document let’s send it to Mimi to send out to everyone. One by one of the 20 meeting attendees this sentence came out of their mouths. I just kept typing away. Then I finally had it. I asked him if they realized how ridiculous it was to send me documents to send to the whole group when they could do so themselves. There was dead silence and wide eyes staring back at me. A couple of people then started to smirk. Their collective smirk indicated that they were happy that I finally realized the craziness of it all and was speaking up. I try to be good-natured and help out. However, I finally hit a wall or something snapped within me. The ones that were not smirking were aghast and acted as if a minefield had exploded near them. They fidgeted nervously and couldn’t look me in the eye. I went home later that night and created a dropbox for them so that they could just go ahead and place items there for each other without me having to mediate the interaction. Of course, I then got a slew of emails noting that they had no idea how to use dropbox and if I could just forward to everybody their attached document. No. No more, I say.
Then after that meeting yesterday, I had another meeting with some government officials and government-funded organization’s that was equally insane. I got a request to finish a document by noon the next day-which they acknowledged would entail my team working all night-so that they could finish edits by 5pm on Friday as they do not work weekends. The nerve of some people to ask one to work all night so that they do not have to! Do people even realize what comes out of their mouths? Sure, they are trying to achieve work-life balance I suppose. I get it. However, they are doing so at the cost of someone else’s work life balance. I lost it again. I told them they would just have to “suck it up and put on their big girl panties and work the same amount of hours as everyone else.” There was silence yet again for about 30 seconds and eventually a deal was worked out.
So, there you have it I lost it twice yesterday and I liked it. I think my 18 year-old self would have liked it as well. We evolve. We grow further into our selves. We stand up for ourselves. I am strong.