Culture

It’s a Mad, Halargian World: this week’s wacky news stories

 It’s a Mad, Halargian World: no ketchup for you, crazy sea mushrooms and stinky aliens hanging out in deep Utah craters

 

I woke up to the sound of fire fighters arriving yet again to investigate some odd, gas smell at my neighbor’s house. It was 5:30am and I was in the middle of a dream in which I again was putting things into boxes. Tons of boxes! I was on travel and couldn’t pack everything back into my luggage. I was frantically searching for little boxes to store my items.  According to my interpretation of dreams book (of which I have 20 thanks to my mother’s penchant for analyzing and believing in the predictive nature of dreams), my search for and opening of boxes means I am thinking and considering the nature of my work life. Probably means I wish there weren’t so many secrets driving the day t day life of the workplace.   According to dream specialists the fact that I was opening so many boxes in my dream indicates that I am likely to encounter wealth and positive journeys in the future. I suppose that means I need to quit my job in order to achieve said path. Anyway, this startled waking state caused me to start humming Tears for Fears’ Mad world song.   You may have either heard it in the ‘80s, ‘90s or 2000’s as it gets new updates and new life in each decade. Look ta the news reports these days and you will be humming that song as well.

 

It’s a dog eat sock world. A great Dane wasn’t feeling to well and went through surgery to see what was ailing him. Apparently he ate 43 socks. I bet Indiana attorney Glickfield wishes the Great Dane would lend him one of those socks as he was ordered by the judge to wear some socks. Who presents himself before a judge without any socks on?   Is that not a question on the bar exam?

 

 

Old school never goes out of style. In Detroit, our largest city to go bankrupt, now can add another descriptor to its list. It is now the place where firefighter use cans and hanging socks (well, hanging items) to let the fire station know there is a fire.  Charming? Not so much.

 

 

Ooh, lala. You smell marvelous- or not. Demeter fragrance has a new line out that is sure to be a turn on for someone out there. It’s featured scents include gin and tonic, dirt, pizza and earthworm. I get it. This line was made for Snoop Dog’s late night munchies parties, right?

 

 

Don’t pick your nose, unless…. A 22 year old man in Saudi Arabia suffered from several nosebleeds a month for several months. When he went to the doctor guess what they found. They pulled out a tooth.

 

 

Here we go again. Every two months or so, there is a news story about an idiot calling the cops to complain about something not going right with their illegal activity. This time, an Oklahoma woman called cops to complain abut the purity of her meth. I bet the cps just shook their heads and thought “if only I would get 5 cents every time someone complains about their meth quality, I’d be earning a living wage…” You know its true.

 

When food is creepy or attacks.   A highly full-of-itself restaurant has decided to ban ketchup because it is too low brow for its establishment. I’ll have the owner know tomatoes (and hence ketchup) are good for you- and are delicious! George Bush said so!   There is a new mushroom-like sea animal that has defied classification. Oh the wonders of science. Question is: does it taste good with ketchup?   Scientists have also found that the archer fish is quite good at adjusting its deadly spit’s aim and distance.   Michael Palin’s goldfish in the movie A Fish Called Wanda should have been an archer fish-he wouldn’t have suffered and stuttered so much.

 

Is that an alien I smell?   A particular device featured on the animated television show Futurama has got scientists and a few geeks (those are not mutually exclusive categories) thinking about what if we could detect alien life by sniffing it out. Life is going to the dogs, I suppose.  Speaking of alien life, what is that deep crater in Utah doing there? Do we have a new Area 51 in our midst?   The guy that find the crater believes it is “Martian art.”   He should check out some NYC art galleries, for that matter.

 

 

Calling all hoarders. Hear ye. Hear ye. If you live in Japan and you like to stockpile toilet paper, you are in luck. Japan issued an alert for its citizens to store up toilet paper as 40% of the toilet paper comes from an earthquake prone area. Considering how small many Japanese abodes are, you go to wonder where in the world people will store their extra toilet paper.

 

 

Crime and fecal punishment. A Utah woman who allegedly stole a ring was ordered by cops to sift through her feces in order to find the ring. Good thing she was in Utah and not Japan where there may be a toilet paper shortage.   It’s all relative.

 

 

Finger condom. So, don’t want to get your fingers dirty while eating? Worried there is a looming paper shortage? Fear not. In South Korea there is now a new product referred to as a “finger condom” that protects your finger from having to touch your own food. I’m thinking I may just need this at my workplace as I go about my daily routine. Just thinking….

 

Till next week

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6 replies »

  1. Finger condoms?? Who buys stuff like that? More importantly, who thinks of those things in the first place! 🙂 I was laughing about the woman calling the cops about her meth. Jeez, didn’t she watch Breaking Bad?

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      • Certainly a candidate for the Darwin awards! I would imagine that if she’s doing meth, then the answer would be a resounding yes. Wacky calls to the police department would make for a very interesting blog post.

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