Another week, another soggy diaper and salty trail of tears. Such is life. Wackiness abounds in great big buckets of slop. Not only are politicians their usual two-faced selves but we have a slew of apocalyptic behavior and my own private wacked-out hell. Enjoy the weekend folks. The wackiness won’t stop. It should be noted that in the middle of all the craziness, we may have had collectively a lucky day. This past week, we lived through November 12, 2013. Specifically, we saw 11/12/13 come and go. It was supposed to be a lucky day. Did you feel lucky?
1.Buried man that lived to tell the tale. I will start off with a warm and fuzzy story of man that surely felt lucky this past week. A city worker in Brazil, beaten up and buried was thought dead. But his perseverance and strong hands, led to him clawing his way out of the grave.
2. James Brady: Ex-homeless New Jersey man. His is a cautionary tale of good and bad luck and how those are intertwined and play off of each other. So, a homeless man in Hackensack, New Jersey found $850 dollars. That is not the good luck part. He turned in the money to the police and after a few months of that money being unclaimed, he was given the found money to keep. Well, the IRS doing what it does best (draw your own conclusions here) fined him for not reporting the money. That’s the bad luck part. This is the same agency ostensibly in charge of ensuring all Americans get onto health insurance. Here is the good luck part: many individuals rallied to help him out. Bergen County’s United Way has set up an bank account specifically for Brady through its Compassion Fund. Here’s hoping the IRS doesn’t get to take a big chunk of that as well.
3. Ming. Poor, poor unlucky Ming. Ming was an ocean quahog thought to be the oldest living animal at 507 years old. Ming had survived many turbulences during those centuries to only die at the hands of scientists who mistakenly cracked open its shell trying to figure out how old it was. The cracking of the shell killed Ming in the process. Nice job, men of science.
4. Medical marijuana dispensary owner. How lucky can you be to have a job where you own a medical marijuana dispensary and you make a ton of money from it that you get to live the high life jetting in and out of Vegas. Sounds like a fairly good lucky life. That is until some not so nice people hear you have a good life and decide they want you to share that wealth with them the hard way. A medical marijuana dispensary owner was kidnapped, tortured and had his private parts severed and thrown away by a gang of four. Ouch. At least it has access to the good stuff to ease the pain.
5. Tasing husbands, cheating cops and mean moms: Wacky family dynamics abound this week. Who am I kidding? Wackiness is part of family dynamics, period. This week didn’t disappoint. One thing I know for sure, tasers and family outings may not go hand in hand. So, out in the heartland of the United States a major Chicago Bears fan, who made a football bet with his wife, ending up being arrested after he tasered his wife three times. He made a bet with his wife and she was not so lucky. In another part of the country, just like out of a television procedural show, a female cop was accused of sleeping with drug dealer she was supposed to be building a case against. I think Dick Wolf or a TNT executive will soon be paying her a visit. What’s sort of funny about this case, it was the drug dealer boyfriend that turned her in. he has got standards for his relationships. Speaking of upstanding citizens, there are some mean moms out there in the virtual world. In case we thought cyber bullying was just for mean high school girls, note that mean high school girls turn into mean adult women. Apparently, some moms on Facebook have gone about bullying little children by making fun of other people’s children on social media. Not much more needs to be said. Here. Geez.
6. Family bonding. Some family relationships are cute and fuzzy and other family members kidnap and try to exorcise the devil out of ya. You when some, you lose some. There are some panda cubs in Atlanta. Twins, as a matter of fact. But they do not necessarily agree on when is the appropriate time to take a nap. Too cute for words. Out in California, Victor Farias and his dad had a different idea and approach for bonding. They had noted that the dad’s former ex-wife had changed recently and came to the obvious conclusion that she was possessed by the devil. They proceeded to kidnap her and douse her in sacred oil. She lucked out in that she was able to get out of that situation unharmed but father and son are now looking at serving some jail time. Homemade exorcisms should be used with caution for family bonding events.
7. Ghost town and zombies. Do you love the television show Supernatural? Do you love Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Do you love the television show Sleepy Hollow? How much so? If you have a grand love and grand deep money pockets, there is a Ghost Town for Sale on Craigslist. For $225,000 you can get a ghost town in Seneca, California complete with liquor license and opium den. What can go wrong? The Walking Dead anyone? Speaking of which, in the land down under on Kiwanis highway, there was a sure sign of a pending zombie apocalypse. There was a man, in a rage, head-butting cars and the like on the highway. The news media is having a field day with that story. I hope that this man’s luck changes soon and gets some much-needed help.
8. Car mechanic from Argentina with a penchant for women’s ob-gyn health. Although this sounds like a joke it may mean good luck for women everywhere. A car mechanic invented a new birthing tool, called the Odón Device, that is being endorsed by the World Health organization (WHO). This miracle tool is meant to help women during childbirth whose baby’s head is too large to fit through the birth. Ok, my body is twitching. I will stop this here.
9. Thighs and city squats. As a public health psychologist I love what Moscow is doing in terms of squats (I don’t care for some of their other more extreme exclusionary and discriminatory practices). But for the next few weeks, in order to promote the winter Olympic Games soon to be held in Russia, train passengers can get a free ride at a metro station by performing 30 squats rather than paying the normal fee of 30 rubles (about 92 cents). Can we do that in New York, or anywhere in the Deep South? Perhaps in restaurants after you order a fried pie? Speaking of squats, have you seen that new Jean-Claude Van Damme commercial? He was a huge start in the ‘90s. Or was it ‘80s? Either way, he was known for a great body, being fit and being a great actor. Ok. I jest on that last part. But he did have a great fit body and apparently still does. Just check out his new ad and you will be amazed.
10. My neighbor. Perhaps there is something in the water. Perhaps it is the massive, amazing and odd cloud roll permeating the Texas skies. Perhaps it is par for the course. Upon exiting the train station, my neighbor gave me a smile and a wave and then started running. He kept running and looking back at me and laughing. He ran all the way home. I had no idea what was going on. It appeared that he was literally racing me home. Why would he do that? Such a wacky thing. Although, the wackier part of this story: I started running as well all the way home. Oh New York, how you vex me.
This whole week, I have had the Pixies’ song “where is my mind” worming its way through my ear and consciousness. It seems appropriate for the week I have had and will be about to have.
With your feet on the air. And your head on the ground.
Try this trick and spin it, yeah.
Your head’ll collapse.
If there’s nothing in it