Here I am, perched on the edge of my kitchen counter, coffee in hand, trying to figure out how to guide my very practical, very determined, very my son through the college selection process. It’s like being a therapist for someone I gave birth to, and trust me, he’s already giving me insight into human behavior.
He’s a senior, which means he’s almost an adult but still wants me to make him pancakes at 5 a.m. Except now he doesn’t want debt. For him. For me. For anyone, really. And he wants a small school. Not too small, not too big. A school where he can major in psychology. Yes, psychology. My heart does a little somersault: proud mom moment meets “oh, I see what you’re doing” moment. He wants to be near. But not too near. It’s like a sweet compromise between independence and proximity.
As his guide, my job is to remind myself that the “best” college is not the one I went to. It’s not even necessarily the one in New York. It’s the one that lets him be the person he’s becoming. And yet the thought of him a little bird, off on an Amtrak ride, fills me with anticipation and a deep, existential melancholy. Who knew letting go came with a side of existential crisis and suddenly quiet breakfasts?
I won’t rush home to cook dinner. I won’t wake up to make omelets or pancakes. And yes, I might cry into my coffee. But I also know this is the next step. The next step for him, and for me, too. Because somehow, in guiding him toward independence, I have to practice my own. I have to remember that love isn’t about proximity. It’s about sending them into the world with wings strong enough to soar, and a nest warm enough to come back to.
So here’s to college applications, to small schools with big hearts, to debt-free dreams, and to letting go without letting love slip away. I’ll be here. Coffee in hand. Heart full. Waiting to see what happens next.
Categories: Children, Culture, current events, family, identity, Psychology, society, women
psychologistmimi 
Smiling. This is wonderful. This is an exciting next step moment for both of you. Sending good vibes!
LikeLike
Thank you so much
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehe Dear Miriam i Suppose my Mother Had A Best and
Yes Challenging World of Not Letting Go True there was
No Way i Was Gonna Be able to Afford a Dorm Room
Even On Scholarships and Grants in the Next Town
Over Graduating From Local Junior College in the
Same Little Two Story Building Yes long ago Just a Stroll
Then Up the Hill From my Once Living On the River Downtown
100 Year-Old Shot-gun Home that was my Grandmother’s
Home Who Helped Raise Us too True then that Two Story
Building was my Elementary School and Before that my
Mother’s High School in the Late 1940’s to Early 1950’s
Anyway i Started small
And Stayed Relatively
Small Commuting to the
Next City Over Through
3 Degrees Starting off With
Psychology Like Your Son’s Choice Next
Year Yet Only one School Field Trip to an Asylum
Made it Clear that Wasn’t Gonna Be A Profession for me
True hehe i had
More Challenges
Coming for me Yet
It’s True So Many Folks
Enter Psychology Fields
Trying to Figure out Their
Own Challenges With Psychology
Like Why Couldn’t i Bear to touch
Manmade Materials true took me decades
More to Find Others With Similar Issues and
the Google Search Engine to Find Out Why
And even get Diagnosed on the Autism
Bi-Polar And ADHD Spectrums after
Age 47 Dear Lord Yes
Many More challenges
too Of Course Yet that’s
Life too Some Folks Say
Their Younger Days Were the
Best Days of Their Life Particularly
College Life Yet From What i Understand
That’s Changing too Life is More Complicated
Than Ever
And Being
Complicated
Makes those Complications
More Challenging than ever before…
Nah i Wouldn’t
Wanna Do it
Again Now For Sure…
Yet Typically Humans
Will Do Whatever it Takes to Survive
And
Even
Thrive
Hehe Even if that
takes 53 Years or
So to Really Even Get Started…
A Long Way
Home Farther
Than Any Car Commute
Or University of West Florida
It May Surely
be
within
at Best
With SMiLes..:)
LikeLike