Hospitals are strange universes. Time is warped, fluorescent lights are merciless, and even the air smells faintly of bleach and bureaucracy. I had been sitting there for what felt like eternity. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting some more. Of course, I had once again forgotten to bring my Red Bull, which made the ordeal feel like I was living inside a screensaver that never ends.

Now, I may not have caffeine superpowers, but I do have an excellent sense of hearing. Truly, if eavesdropping were an Olympic sport, I’d at least get bronze. So naturally, my ears perked up when the radiology staff nearby started chatting.

One radiologist casually said, “Oh, I have to pee.” Fair enough. Occupational hazard of being human. But then, her colleague chuckled and she came out with this gem:
“I wish I could have someone else pee for me.”

And I lost it. Quietly, of course, because no one wants to be the weirdo laughing maniacally in the hospital waiting room. But still. I laughed, because haven’t we all had that exact thought? Peeing is one of those non-negotiable chores, like taking out the trash or answering emails. It interrupts your flow (pun intended). You’re in the middle of something whether it’s working, watching TV, or for me, pretending to meditate my way through endless waiting and suddenly your bladder becomes your boss.

Wouldn’t it be marvelous if we could outsource that task? “Hey, could you clock in and pee for me today? I’m swamped.” Forget AI and self-driving cars. I’m lobbying for Uber Pee, a biological proxy system that lets someone else handle the logistics while I carry on uninterrupted.

But alas, some things in life cannot be delegated. Peeing, sneezing, grieving, laughing are these little interruptions that are the essence of being alive. And maybe that’s the reminder I needed, caffeine-deprived and all: sometimes the most human thing is wishing you didn’t have to be so human all the time.

So yes, radiology staff lady, I salute you. May we both someday get a pee proxy or at least a longer break.