The world is weird. That’s not breaking news. But every now and then, the headlines remind us just how gloriously absurd the human and animal condition can be. This past week has been a masterclass in eyebrow-raising moments, each with a surprisingly teachable core. If only Freud were alive to tweet about it.


First up,  Octopuses Know Drama

A newly published study revealed that octopuses have been caught on camera throwing shells.  Yes, and not just aimlessly but seemingly at each other. Yes, mollusks with mood swings. One female octopus was observed gathering debris and hurling it toward an unwelcome male suitor like she was starring in a Real Housewives reunion special.

I guess sometimes, the silent treatment isn’t enough. And ladies, even in the deep sea, boundaries matter. Also, who knew cephalopods were the original petty queens?


Next, Bear Walks Into a Gas Station. Doesn’t Buy Gas.

In California, a black bear casually strolled into a 7-Eleven, opened the fridge, and walked out with a Hostess cupcake in its mouth. Like it owned the store. No chaos. Just craving carbs.

I suppose don’t let anyone tell you you’re not allowed a late-night snack. If a bear can do it with confidence, so can you. But maybe don’t use your teeth to open the fridge.


Onto the Man Bitten by Venomous Snake… Delivered by Mail

Somewhere in Germany, a man opened a package and found a live, venomous snake inside. Apparently, it had been mailed and had other ideas about how the unboxing video should go.

A case of trust issues, upgraded. Maybe unbox packages with tongs from now on. Or just don’t trust anything that hisses when you open it; emails included.

Now onto AI Preacher Delivers Sermon… With Surprisingly Bland Results

A church in Germany let ChatGPT deliver a sermon to a congregation of over 300 people. Feedback? “It lacked soul.” Ouch. Even divine inspiration has character limits, it seems.

So, what’s the lesson here? Even robots can phone it in. Never underestimate the power of actual human weirdness. Your flaws are what make your message land.

Of course we need a Florida Man story.  He tries to Clean Driveway… With Fire

Because of course he did. In an attempt to remove stubborn oil stains, he doused his driveway in gasoline and lit it. Spoiler: It did not go well.

Impulse control is a skill. And sometimes, cleaning up your mess with fire just leads to a bigger mess. Take it from me a psychologist and a woman who’s tried to Marie Kondo her inbox with rum.

So, that’s it for today.

The world is chaos wrapped in a cupcake thrown by an octopus. There’s something comforting in knowing we’re all just flailing through the absurd, occasionally getting bitten by metaphorical (or literal) snakes. So the next time your day feels like a headline from the “Wait, what?” section, just remember:

If bears can steal cupcakes, and octopuses can throw shade, you too can face the upcoming Monday.

And please, whatever you do, don’t light your driveway on fire.