current events

I could have had an easier life

Someone texted me a few hours ago that I was where I needed to be. Or rather, I was where I was needed. It is a most wonderful feeling to be needed. No one can discount that. However, I find myself second guessing my recent life choices.

Six months ago I decided to take on a new job in which my skills sets were absolutely necessary. As a matter of fact, they were needed 100% and more. It was going to be a challenge but I thrive on challenges. My own personal doctor noted I am a high sensation seeker. I’m not very risk averse. I’m a no-pain, no-gain type of person. Well, usually. I am not saying I’m completely wedded to being a big risk taker. I do tend to make a lot of lists weighing pros and cons. It’s just that I don’t necessarily downgrade risks in my lists. If that makes any sense.

While I was thrilled to take on a new job that needed me, I am not second-guessing myself. This is not the easiest time to be in healthcare. Especially in New York City. I could have taken another job for which my daily decisions wouldn’t be so impactful. I could have had more support. I could have had an easier life. As I look at my 10 cans of soup and worry about my lack of appetite-except for doritos- I sigh loudly to myself.

I then look at that text and others like. I’m wherr I am supposed to be. I have to believe.

11 replies »

  1. I could, would, should, never help me very much when it comes to contemplating. Life is bittersweet no matter what choices I make. I embrace that moment to moment.
    Thanks for the transparency of this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Right now, I have to believe I am doing what I need to be doing. It isn’t easy though … to believe that I mean. On the whole though, most days I’m okay. I hope that’s true for everyone else too.

    Like

  3. Thank you for being on the front lines of this pandemic. It must weigh on you about deciding to be there and then something like this hits. We have to trust. You made the best decision with the information you had. I believe someone upstairs is guiding us and that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Praying a hedge of protection around you. 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Don’t we Taureans often second guess ourselves? Ironically, in comparing the two of us, I am very risk averse, which is perhaps why my contributions to the world at large may actually be made in a much smaller world i.e. my mother alone vs yours to your city.

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