I truly don’t need to be the bigger person anymore

There are a lot of not very nice people out there. Gasp. Shocking, I am sure. And, these not very nice people often feel that they can be so because other people will feel obligated to be the bigger person. As a parent you advise your child to be the bigger person. I really want him to be a good person. I advise him to not bully back. Walk away. I was taught that. I try to live it. However, here’s the rub, I don’t necessarily care to be the bigger person all the time, anymore. There I said it. Gasp! It is ok to be self-aware and admit ugly things.

A long time ago, someone I knew was being a nasty idiot. When I had enough, I actually stuck my tongue out at them and they were aghast. Oh, the horror. Please. They were just shocked that someone finally called them out on their behavior. And, it is ok to do that. Why do the good people have to take crap all the time? Why must they tske the high road all the time? Because they are good people. That is just not a great way to live all the time. But it has become so cliche.

What television show or movie nowadays doesn’t have a horribly wronged person point a gun at the evil-doer to only walk away because they are good? They are better than that, supposedly. So many scenes like that. A few notable exceptions, with the movie Seven being one of them. Now, I have digressed and gone far afield. I’m not advocating any violence herein. I’m just saying that sometimes the high road can be both difficult to take and trite. Or rather, it’s become a cinematic trope.

On a less dramatic, cinematic, everyday life situation, being the bigger person can be good for one’s mental health. There is no need to carry anger, hatred, and payback in one’s heart and being. Yet, occasionally not taking the high road can be amusing and even liberating. I’m eternally amused when people who are completely mean-spirited still expect you to be kind because they know you will be the bigger person in the end. For those people a bit of intermittent conditioning, where you randomly don’t take the high road, can be of great benefit to all of society. Try calling them out to their face. Try sticking your tongue out at them. And, that is all I will say on that.

11 replies »

  1. Some people are consistently bullied because they dare not fight back. This group includes some of the easiest victims, intellectually disabled folk.
    I’m pretty lucky – in the past year, since we’ve moved to a retirement community, only one person has been deliberately mean. And I called her on it immediately, plus let the comment roll off my back. It was a shock, though. Up until then (and since), everyone here is unfailingly polite.
    Probably because we all move here forever, by our own choice.
    I hope it holds up through the coming COVID-19 crisis – we can do best practices, but I doubt we’ll avoid it completely. And of course there won’t be a vaccine for at least a year. I worry – we have many fragile older residents.


  2. In my experience, the annoying person is one who has been taught or allowed to blunder or bully their way through life with politically correct rules that have no basis, and they are seldom applied twice to the same situtation. Their rules, they change them, you are supposed to keep up. I have a rule that is somewhat similar to your reasoning regarding being the better person. I’ll choose to be the person who corrects their assumptions about their PC rules or allowances. That is often easy because their thinking involves major contradictions. I’m old,smart, educated and well read. There is no reason to let someone get through life comfortaby while the rest of us move over for them. You can do that withour anger, argument or name calling. When the other person makes no sense, apply logical consequences.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing this. I must agree with you. Until recently, I had a coworker who was a very passive aggressive bully and I let it all go because I was not going out sink to his level, but recently he reached out in his new job position and asked for favors and and I have the great joy of completely ignoring him or passively aggressively responding in the exact same way that he used to. It is a great feeling to finally respond and be a petty person once in a while. 😁


  4. I can completely relate to this post. The old adage to be the bigger person and just walk away is difficult to live by. There are a lot of wolves out there, only interested in helping themselves and getting ahead in this world. Humanity is endangered, but I’m with you in this “fight”. Although I walk away from these situations and don’t speak up, I tend to stew over it later and “shoulda, woulda, coulda” myself for hours. That being said, I can’t say that I’m capable of completely “letting it go”, which I think does more harm than good to me, personally. Perhaps we can start a support group of nicer-minded folk?


  5. Being the bigger person was a thing with me until I realised I wasn’t sure how to sell that to the kids! Here’s a bit from a blog post I wrote three years ago:

    So, is there a place for teaching children to be good girls and boys in today’s world? Believe me, I faced this dilemma all through my children’s school years. By trying to raise children to be good – as ‘good’ is generally understood – are we setting them up to be misfits or wimps and fail in today’s world? Pure 24-karat gold is too soft to be fashioned into jewellery. Lesser metals like silver, zinc or nickel have to be added to make it 22-karat, for it to be crafted into durable jewellery. I think I just hoped my kids would pick up the silver, zinc and nickel on their own in adapting to the world.


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