Not everything needs a reaction

My son loves playing video games. Not a big shock considering he is ten years old. Minecraft. Fortnite. Name it. Actually, that’s all I can name. In playing his games, he connects with other kids across the country. He has made some “good” friends from different places. And, I’m thrilled by that. I love that he can connect with people and learn about different communities.

In his connections, he has become protective of his friends. He stands up for them. He fights on their behalf. He takes on their causes. Sometimes a bit too much. See, he gets upset at unfair things. Or rather things he perceives are not fair. Especially, if his friends are being treated unfairly. He has a strong fairness core. I suppose its a good thing. It’s a really good thing.

However. Well, no however. It’s just that I am also trying to get him to understand that not everything needs a reaction. Thete are many times when the best course of action is to let certain things go and not let others get a rise out of you. Of course, we stand up for what is tight. That is non-negotiable. But there are situations and people who don’t need a reaction or even a response. It is best to walk away and let others stew in their own fumes.

I’m not sure my ten year gets that completely but I feel the need to impart that advice and guide him in that manner at a young enough age. There’s much out there these days to stir one up. Rile one up. But not always reacting can be powerful and empowering. It can help build a sense of self-efficacy that can only help build stronger life foundation.

14 replies »

  1. Sensitive Humans are
    Verily A Blessing but
    Our Highways
    Traveled too much
    Regulating Emotions
    And Integrating
    Senses are core
    To Energy
    Focus and
    Utilize Best..
    Considering Our
    Emotions and
    Senses flow
    From Head to
    Toe.. perhaps
    A Greatest Failure
    For Cognitive Behavioral
    Therapy now and the Rest
    Of Western Civilization
    Describing Half Naked
    Indians Dancing
    Wildly Freely
    Together around
    A Campfire as
    Savages is
    The understood
    Fact now
    That they were
    Their Emotional
    Intelligence.. the
    Core Always of
    Most All so-Called
    Rational Decisions..
    So.. in ‘Affect’ and
    Effect.. “Guardian’s
    Of the Galaxy” are
    Still Correct there
    Are smART ‘Indians’
    Who Dance now and
    People who Do Not..
    Where i live
    End at 9th Grade..
    How ignorant
    Are who
    Don’t even
    What makes
    Us Function
    In Mind and Body
    Balance Now
    All Our


  2. I understand what you’re saying. It’s hard to find the balance between actively standing up for what is right (because, oh the horrors of indifference…) and letting something go to keep the peace. Also, there are just too many trolls out there that dedicate their life’s energy to riling people up in mockery dialogues. There’s no way to win those battles, even though they may be unfair and even hurtful sometimes.

    Anyway, you’re son sounds like an awesome kid. The world needs more friendship warriors.


  3. Enjoyed this. Right you are. We do not ‘need’ to react to everything. We don’t need to have a say on everything, or the last word, or the more logical reply.
    In the same way that we cannot buffer our kids from every unfair act, Letting the other party find things out for themselves will bring lasting results. We have to let them experience their share of hardships.
    You have an altruistic child there. Bless your heart. Bless his heart. That’s a blessing. Keep nurturing that heart and help him to find balance.


  4. I had a similar experience working with a ten year old and a 16 year old boy in my clinic. Turning away from the “drama” and giving others your silence was deeply empowering and came to be understood as its own form of social justice. They realized there is ACTION in non-reaction. Thanks for posting this personal experience with your son.


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