childhood

Saddened by my son overhearing my discussion regarding a funeral

When someone you know gets sick you have hopes they will get better. I mean really sick. You just take for granted that people will get better from a cold or flu. Although, perhaps this flu season will change some perceptions around that.  But what I am particularly talking about is when someone you know gets really sick. Let’s say cancer.

 

A friend of mine got really sick. She got cancer while pregnant. She got cancer that appeared to be inoperable. Then it spread. Then it spread even more. Then she stopped chemotherapy. Now, its about providing comfort during her remaining days.   At each point there was voiced hope and then all got quiet.

 

My son knows her and knows she was sick.   But I never shared the “C” word with him. I never mentioned the “D” word.

 

Then he overheard me today. I was on a phone call discussing her upcoming funeral arrangements. He looked up from his iPad. His eyes widened. He heard me note she may die soon. He asked me “die?” My heart sunk. I explained that she got sicker and that her time on earth was coming to an end.  His eyes widened even more and then he asked about her son who is his friend. How do you tell your son that another boy was no longer going to have his mommy around?

 

My heart just aches and I feel weighed down.

 

Wish I could do more. Wish I could do more.

17 replies »

  1. I can’t really offer a personal experience here as I don’t have children and I’ve not had to break such news to someone, but I can appreciate what it’s like to want to do more. To want to wish away the situation, to wish away the illness and horror that someone else is facing. I think honesty is perhaps the best policy because your son will be more resilient and understanding perhaps than you may think. Life and health can be so incredibly cruel, but showing that compassion is endless I think can help soften the blow. I’m so sorry about your friend xx

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  2. I found that incomprehensible, when a friend lost his mother, when we were 10. I lost track of him, when he went to live with his much older sister and brother-in-law. He re-surfaced, as a 30-year-old, and owned a service station. Death can be either a shattering force, or an impetus to succeed.

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  3. Many parents won’t take a child to a funeral. It’s a funny call. When are we supposed to grow up? Some (most) people deny illness and death, and can’t deal with it. But it does happen, sadness and grief happen. It’s a tough call with a kid.

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss – you lost a friend too. Don’t worry too much about how your sin will take it – kids cope much better than we think they can. I’ve seen mine in a similar – or worse – situation when my best friend’s daughter, who was like an elder sister to them, hanged herself when my younger one was just nine. I wish that had never happened… but things happen… I’m sure you’ll child will be okay…

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss – you lost a friend too. Don’t worry too much about how your son will take it – kids cope much better than we think they can. I’ve seen mine in a similar – or worse – situation when my best friend’s daughter, who was like an elder sister to them, hanged herself when my younger one was just nine. I wish that had never happened… but things happen… I’m sure you’ll child will be okay…

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