She didn’t have it easy. No one around her did. So why should she care or even think about her hard life. She didn’t have time to care anyway. Time either moved too slowly or too quickly. Nothing was in-between. That’s why she loved her Marlbaro’s. She could get them at the bodega for ten cents a loose. She could usually scrape up 50 cents or so. That would get her through the day. Plus, she didn’t want people thinking she was addicted to smoking because that just wasn’t true. She didn’t have to smoke. She wanted to smoke so that everything else could be tuned out for a few minutes.
Her younger siblings drove her mad. They always needed something. Food, attention, diapers, books. It was never-ending. This is when things didn’t go fast enough. Why couldn’t they just grow up in an instant. She loved them. Most definitely she loved them more than her mother loved them. She just wondered if when she gave birth she would have enough love in her to love her baby? She knew her mother couldn’t handle loving more than one person at a time and that was normally whoever was her latest boyfriend. It was hard to keep track. But it didn’t matter anyway. None of it mattered? Who knew if they would even be alive tomorrow.
She thought about the candyman. He was spooky and was everywhere. Too much temptation. She was young but she knew people couldn’t be faced with too many tempting things. Everyone eventually caved in. The candyman. Could he just take and place them all in his van and hit the road never looking back? Maybe they could go on the Price is Right and win a trailer and live happily ever after.
Oh to dream.