Have you heard a good toast lately that wasn’t in the movies? I grew up on television. Big time. And before you admonish me on the perils of television viewing, I will let you know that I came out perfectly normal, thank you. And even if I hadn’t it probably would not have been television’s fault but rather the fact that I grew up in an impoverished area where girls were routinely kidnapped and people were shot under my window. And, yes this was in the United States. Anyhow, I am perfectly normal with a bit of snark and a shoe obsession. Which in all actuality, is quite normal, especially for a New Yorker. Back to the toast.
I have not attended many weddings in my life. My friends either elope, don’t invite me due to being thousands of miles away (or so I tell myself), or they don’t get married. It is what it is. In the when few weddings I have attended, I cannot recall a single toast. I don’t know if any were made or just never happened.
Growing up on television, I saw hundreds of funny, poignant, eloquent and embarrassing toasts. They seemed fun in that they could be sassy. But my question now is, where have all the toasters gone? Who gives a toast anymore? I sort of do at a business dinner after a great business event. But they are mildly inspiring and largely perfunctory. I would love, absolutely love, to give a scathing toast. Well, perhaps not scathing in the venomous sense. Have you seen the movie, 27 dresses? Katherine Heigl gave a rehearsal dinner toast totally destroying her sister. It’s kind of like that Oscar speech one dreams of giving where you crucify all the haters and your non-believers. I don’t necessarily want to give that type of toast.
I would like to maybe give a gently, friendly roast where you expose some of that person’s warts but in good fun. I think I could give a good toast. I’m a fairly good inspirational speaker and oresenter, believe it or not.
So here is my wish for the second half of this year: can someone have a momentous event where I can give a rousing, funny toast? I promise a good time will be had by all.