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I want candy and espresso along the north-south axis

 I want candy and espresso along the north-south axis:  this week’s wacky news

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It is Tuesday! It is a day to evaluate all our bad Monday choices that were made in haste due to the Monday blues. It could also be the day to be thankful for all our Monday blue choices. It’s your call. It is cold out there in New York. I could surely use a shot of espresso; maybe someone can deliver it to me just the way Serena Williams had coffee delivered to her on the tennis court.  At first I thought that was a bit tacky of her to do. I mean, she flaunted her Serena Williams status by asking if she could get an espresso in the middle of the match. Who would say no to her? Considering, however, that she then went on to win the match after being behind a set, it was not a tacky move at all. Her espresso move was quite smart giving her body a jolt and her opponent (who was it even?) a shot to the nerves. Serena came to her own rescue with a cup of joe. I shall endeavor to do the same today.

Anyway, it is a new year and there have been other moves that perhaps could be tacky or perhaps could be smart considering the circumstances. Your call.

Smart pooping orientation. All this time, I always thought my dog Milo was just pulling me along to make me suffer out in the cold as I walked him. See he would tug and tug and walk and spin and sniff until he finally found his sweet spot. Apparently, he was quite purposeful.   Researchers found that dogs pick their defection spots so that their bodies are aligned along the North–South axis seeking calm magnetic contexts.  Sure, that makes sense to me.

Rounded bums.  Could this be Kim Kardashian’s secret to her well-rounded bum? Apparently, some people pay over $300 for a butt facial. Maybe they could just try pooping along the north-south axis and save themselves some money.

They like big butts but don’t know Sir Paul McCartney. Kanye West has partnered with Paul McCartney on a new single and Kanye has been talking it up. Apparently, his fans don’t know who McCartney is and tweeted about how great it will be for McCartney’s career to be partnering with Kanye. I think it’s kind of funny. However, there are those out there that are apoplectic and nearing brain-aneurism status. Chill people! That is what aging is all about.

I have hundreds of shoes, woohoo. A man in Massachusetts convinced a judge to grant him bail based on the guy’s sneakers.  Specifically, the guy put up his new Air Jordan’s. Let me just note that if I plan to do something wrong I’m dragging my u-haul of shoes over to Massachusetts.

If the cops are then it’s ok. A man wanted to discipline his poorly behaved daughter. However, he was afraid to do so without a witness. So, he called the cops over so that they could watch him smack his daughter and all is good with the world.

This week’s stupid criminals.   Every week criminals vie for the Guinness record of stupidity.  This week’s entry is that from a Daytona Beach couple. I readily admit I don’t know what their original crime was. However, they claim they were chased into a janitor’s closet and got stuck in there for two days. While in there, they smoked crack and defecated everywhere. I wonder if it was along the north-south axis. Anyway, they eventually called the cops. Silly them. All along, the closet door was unlocked. They were never stuck in there. What’s your stupid criminal entry for the week?

Silly speed-chase. A drunk guy took a street sweeper vehicle for a joy ride in Brooklyn. The police gave chase at 35 MPH.  All this because he wanted candy.  Dude! This is New York. There is candy everywhere even on the ground. Duh.

Strong will power. I commend this young kid. This kid, age 11, gave up soda for an entire year so that his parents would give him $500 at the end of that grand adventure.  I did this once and what I got was a healthy baby boy at the end of 9 months. Geez. Where’s my $500?

Have a great week everybody!

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6 replies »

  1. My dog’s only concern for where he chooses to eliminate is privacy. He will not do it in the open. He always hides behind a shrub, preferably a rhododendron. I had heard that about McCartney. So, so sad. My brain didn’t burst, but my fantasy about musical legacy has taken a hit….

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  2. One of My Self Evident Truths is that the rich are different, and not usually in a good way. Who else would even think about ordering coffee in the middle of a tennis match or paying any $ for a butt facial?

    The ignorance of Kanye West fans may merit a repost for “Old Fart Friday”.

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