Culture

Feeling road rage, sick to your stomach over the government slimdown: eat some poop. This week’s top wackiness

Saying it has been a wacky week is indeed a gross understatement. Politicians have become even more unhinged, the media more self-serving and our friends in the animal kingdom have gone on a terror binge. Rage is the latest craze. Let the wacky madness begin.

 

1. Hornets and more hornets and jellyfish. Just like out of a Hitchcock film, hornets descended have descended this past week onto the streets of central China killing dozens of people and leaving hundreds more in agony. Is this a sign of the times to come? Not convinced? How about those jellyfish that rose from the waters and surrounded a nuclear plant in Sweden?  Are they trying to tell us something? The animal kingdom is on a rampage.

2. “Motor psychos” in NYC, police car chases in DC.  What has happened to the typical car crashes plaguing our city streets? Our city streets have all turned into one big Jim Clancy car chase.  In New York, a swarm of bikers rode up the West Side Highway and got into a scuffle with an SUV transporting a family on their wedding anniversary. Who would have ever thought an SUV involved in a car accident would get media sympathy? Wacky indeed. Then again, the full story is not out yet. Stay tuned. Meanwhile, in DC a New York dental hygienist who was allegedly suffering from postpartum depression gets into car chase with the unpaid police who end up killing her.  The morning news noted that she may have thought Obama was stalking her. Does this have anything to do with obamacare? I have to say I am a little afraid to cross the streets these days.

 

3. Saudi Arabian women drivers. Speaking of drivers, according to a doctor in Saudi Arabia, driving does not, (I repeat) does not hurt women’s ovaries. Whew. Good to know.

 

4. The city of Berkeley, or as some of us former residents call it, bezerkely. Power outages, contaminated pools have hit the city hard this past week. Seems like the city of Berkeley is sitting on a hellmouth.  Apparently, someone stole some underground copper wire last week and that may have in turn led to massive power outages this week in Berkeley. Then on top of the power outages, the local pool has been contaminated causing children to get sick. Specifically, the high school water polo team started losing their hair. Have you ever seen the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode where the swim team slowly starts disappearing and eventually turn into fish monsters? Berkeley, the bastion of political correctness, may just want to check its waters at some point.

 

5. Jakiyah McKoy. Beauty Pageant winners can never truly sure they will be able to keep their crown. Always something comes up. Seven year old Little Miss Hispanic Delaware was recently stripped of her crown. A young girl worked hard, entered a beauty pageant and pinned many dreams on it. She won, but she was not Hispanic enough and was thus stripped of her crown.  What?  In order to win the crown you have to prove you are Hispanic. However, they do not have documents proving that she is so. All they have is their grandmother’s word who was supposedly from the Dominican Republic. Tomato, Tomahto.  Hispanic, …? Let’s call the whole thing off.

 

6. Josephine Ruckinger. Speaking of little girls gone mad.  Ms. Ruckinger, a twenty-year estranged daughter shot it out with her family. She killed her mom and brother and her dad killed her. Talk about a tough, rage-filled family reunion.

 

7.  Polled Americans.  In my classes, I have noted that Americans are the most polled nationality in the world. Americans love giving their opinion on anything and everything-even fake drugs.  Our political system appears to be driven by polls. However, although heavily opinionated, Americans are not the most informed. Sorry. In a recent survey, pollsters found that 46% of respondents said they oppose Obamacare while 37% oppose the Affordable Care Act.  I guess many people do not realize they are one and the same. What’s in a name…is your future healthcare.

 

8. Bigfoot. Apparently, the giant beast is making a headlines comeback this week.  He has been sighted in multiple locales in Pennsylvania recently. I suppose he is starving for attention.  The east coast is teeming with such sightings. If you were to poll Americans on the existence of Bigfoot vs. Sasquatch what you think will be the end result?

 

9. Penis baker. The land that gave us Arnold Schwarzenegger gives us yet another wacky gem.  An Austrian baker got off on baking some penis shaped cookies that came with whipped cream. He was sued by his employees.

10. The US Government Shutdown or is it a slimdown? The media is in a tizzy over the shutdown, or as Fox News calls it, the “slimdown.” Either way you may not get paid and be able to buy some cookies if you are a federal employee. Either way you can’t get married at the Lincoln memorial. The media is duking it out with each other. The politicians are chastising park rangers at the memorials who are still doing their jobs and not getting paid. This all makes us collectively sick to our stomach. But guess what. Poop can help you out. Recently, studies have shown that fecal transplants – giving infected people stool from a healthy donor – can restore bacterial balances in one’s body.   I see a future mass movement here. Perhaps we can all send politicians some fecal transplants to help restore some order to our way of life.

baby rage and poop

 

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