Yesterday, the New York City Department of Transportation repaired 7,601 potholes in 14 hours. Fourteen. Hours. That is not a statistic. That is a cry for help. I have questions. So many questions. For instance, how are there 7,601 potholes just waiting? Are they breeding at night? Is […]
I would like it noted for the record, for the courts, for future archaeologists sifting through the digital ashes, that I have been worried about Skynet for years. This is not new anxiety. This is vintage, well-aged, oak-barrel-stored concern. So when a new research paper casually suggests that […]
The flowers have begun their soft, optimistic uprising. Little buds peeking out of the ground like, “Is it safe? Are we doing this? Is this… joy?” And for a fleeting, glorious moment, it was. Coats were abandoned. Ankles were exposed. Someone possibly you, possibly me said something reckless […]
I would like to begin by saying that I do not endorse eating your coworkers. Let’s just get that out of the way. However. When I read that a female shark in a Seoul aquarium ate a male shark after he repeatedly bumped into her, I felt something […]
There was a time not long ago ( like Tuesday) when I believed animals had a certain moral code. A quiet agreement, if you will. You stay in your lane, I’ll stay in mine, and nobody touches the ribeye. And then somewhere in Oklahoma, a dog said absolutely […]
There are moments in life when you read a headline and think, this is it, this is my pivot. “In China, a rush to ‘raise lobsters’ quickly leads to second thoughts.” Reader, I was ready. I pictured a serene coastal existence. Me, in oversized boots, gazing thoughtfully at […]
Somewhere between loyalty and footwear confusion lies the modern workplace dilemma. What do you do when your boss makes an odd request or gives you a truly questionable gift? Enter Marco Rubio, recently spotted in what appeared to be shoes auditioning for a different foot. Not just slightly […]
There are weeks when the world feels like it’s unraveling at the seams and then, like a fuzzy, lumbering gift from the universe, bigfoot re-enters the group chat. Not since the Minerva Monster sightings have Ohio residents been quite this collectively side-eyeing the woods. And now, just as […]
There are days when the world feels like it’s gently wobbling off its axis and then there are days when a 6-foot, 17,000-pound meteor casually tears across the sky at 44,000 mph over Ohio like it’s late for a meeting. And no one told me. Apparently, according to […]
This week my spam folder has taken on the tone of a very disappointed guidance counselor. Every morning, nestled between offers for miracle collagen powder and a prince from somewhere needing my urgent banking assistance, I find an email with the subject line: “Failure Notice.” Just that. No […]
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