It’s that time of year again. It’s the holiday shopping season when the internet comes alive with a blizzard of “Top 25 Gifts for…” lists.

Top 25 gifts for teenagers.
Top 25 gifts for the guy who has everything.
Top 25 gifts for coworkers you barely tolerate.
Top 25 gifts for the person you met once at a conference and now inexplicably drew in Secret Santa.
Top 25 gifts that seem thoughtful even though you clicked “Buy Now” while standing in line at Starbucks.

So many lists. So little actual sparkle.

I used to click on these lists with genuine hope. Maybe someone out there had cracked the code for “gift that shows love and wit but doesn’t break the bank or require knowledge of current teenage slang.” But alas, the lists have become a hall of mirrors. Different covers, same contents.

It’s as if all the list-writers got together in a Slack channel and said:

“Let’s just rotate the same seven items and call it a day.”
“Done.”
“Lunch?”

Because what do I see on every list?
AirTags. So many AirTags. Apparently, we’re all losing everything all the time. Our keys, our luggage, our sanity. And we need to be tracked like feral cats.

Then there are the selfie phone gadgets, like those silicone cases you slap on your phone to help you take influencer-level selfies. Because absolutely nothing says “holiday spirit” like improving your angles.

Feet massagers and foot soakers are the rage because we’re exhausted, chronically tense, and possibly one holiday party away from full hibernation.

Some sort of speaker shows up in every list too. Tiny, big, waterproof, levitating. Take your pick. Apparently the universal human desire is to walk through life with a soundtrack.

And a Dyson vacuum, because nothing says “I see you and value you” like gifting someone a $500 piece of equipment to suck up crumbs. A bold move for any relationship dynamic.

And don’t forget the heated vest which appears to be the new emotional-support garment of 2025. Maybe the lists are telling us: “You are cold, inside and out.” Actually, I’m not going to lie.  I kind of like the heated vest. I do tend to get very cold.

So what am I to make of all this?
Maybe gift lists are less about inspiration and more about revealing the collective state of humanity.

We’re tired.
We’re losing things.
We want better lighting.
We like warm torsos.
We want our feet massaged.
We want our homes cleaner.
And we really, really want to remember where we left our luggage.

But perhaps the real gift is knowing we’re all in the same boat. We’re half frozen, mildly disorganized, under-caffeinated, trying to feel cozy and connected while navigating the great retail avalanche.

So this year, I’m taking the lists with a grain of gingerbread-dusted salt. Maybe I’ll buy an actual thoughtful gift. Maybe I’ll buy an AirTag. Maybe I’ll buy myself a heated vest and call it self-care.

‘Tis the season.