Confession time. I am not a cookie person. Yes, I said it. Spare me your gasps of horror. I don’t like peanut butter cookies, oatmeal cookies, sprinkled cookies, gingerbread, shortbread, or those overly sweet macaroons (are they even real cookies or just coconut imposters?). Keep them all.

But here’s the kicker. I really, truly detest website cookies. You know, those pesky little trackers dressed up in the language of “helping improve your browsing experience.” Improve? Please. Every time I visit a site, I’m assaulted by a pop-up that gives me two choices: “Accept All Cookies” (aka sell your soul) or “Manage Preferences” (aka spend 10 minutes clicking through toggles just to reject them). And then, even after your valiant effort, you’re told: some cookies are necessary.

Necessary? For whom? Not for me. This feels less like a choice and more like a hostage negotiation. It’s like being asked if I’d prefer being trampled by a zebra or a giraffe. Neither, thank you very much.

Here’s the thing: I want to reject all the cookies. Every last crumb. Who wants to be tracked across websites like a desperate ex refreshing your Instagram stories? The anti-cookie revolution time is here. Enough with the “lesser evil” baked goods.

Now, I’ll admit there are two cookies that have earned a place in my heart. One is the black and white cookie which is so unapologetically New York, with its chocolate-vanilla duality. The other? The Snickerdoodle, because cinnamon is divine.

But beyond that? No. To your browser cookies, your oatmeal monstrosities, your deceitful “necessary trackers.” I reject them all.

So next time I land on a website and am asked to “accept cookies,” my answer will remain the same: I don’t want your cookies. Keep your crumbs. I’ll take my black and white from the corner deli and my cinnamon swirl on my own terms.

Because in life, as online, I reserve the right to reject cookies.