family

I thought of calling mom

This past year, or I suppose last year, I had a moment where I kept expecting my mom to call me. It, of course, couldn’t happen since my mother has been gone for a while. It was an extremely odd feeling to wait for her call. I so longed for it. It’s a hard feeling to go through.

A few days ago I had a hard, long complicated day. I was upset at the disappointments I had experienced. I was a bit sad at all the craziness surrounding us all. I was supremely annoyed. Agitated, even. When I got home, I sat on the couch and looked at my phone. I started to reach for my phone with the intention of calling my mom.

I had experienced an instinctual reaction of wanting to hear her voice. I didn’t want any words of comfort. No sage advice. Nor any words of slight reprimand at my sullen self. Well, I could have used a smorgasbord board of all that and more. All I had wanted was to hear her voice.

A voice with no words. No sentences. No directives. Just a voice. A hum. A sound. That was what my fingers had been reaching for. I wanted to hear a soothing voice from the past. I want and hope that my voice can provide such comfort to my son in the future.

7 replies »

  1. This made me call my mother. It is such a hard thing to go through. You express it so acutely, my heart ached reading your words. There is nothing and nobody like a mother.

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  2. I know exactly how you feel. I experienced that kind of feeling on and off for about ten years after my mom passed. There are only a few people in every lifetime that make that kind of imprint on us.

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  3. My wife’s mother has been gone for thirty years but she still has life-like dreams and awakens with happiness having talked her…until she realizes that it was just a dream.

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  4. Turn the Light On So Easy
    For A Person With A Sunny
    Disposition to Do Additionally

    When the Mother of the Come to
    Be Husband Remarks Helen (A Name
    Meaning Light) Has The Fairest Skin

    of All Surely Reflective

    Of Lots Of Estrogen
    Associated With
    Nurturing
    And Raising
    Children to One
    Day Become Light
    of Kindness and Nurturing True…

    Of Course Opposites Attract as my Mother
    Was All Love and my Father Was All Law Enforcement
    for 46 Years Doing that Named the Longest Serving Deputy
    Sheriff in Florida At the End of His Career And What Does that

    Take A Fearless
    Disposition to the
    Point Where the Last
    Breath Related is Basically
    Shrugged off as i Don’t think
    i’m Gonna Make it Calmly Dropping to the Ground Never

    Getting Up Again Yes It’s true There Are Advantages of
    Both Ways of Being And Disadvantages too Combining
    The Two in Balance A Lifetime Practice of Achieving for me now

    To Mix The Captain
    Kirk and Spock With
    Empath Extras in the Show True…

    Every Day Every Now That i am Kind and Nurturing
    to Other Folks Even Strangers With Love Unconditional
    Truly Focusing on them at that Point of Existence As the
    Most Important

    Face of
    God in the
    World it’s Obvious

    My Mother Didn’t Go Anywhere
    Really When She Died Yes She
    Still Breathes in me Fully As My
    Father Does when i Dance Solo With
    No Fear Everywhere i go now Well It’s True

    You May Be Named
    Hero and Legend
    And Famous
    And All that
    Jazz By Dancing
    Solo Everywhere You
    Go Yet A Much Greater Gift

    Is a Successful 32 Year Marriage
    For the All Forgiving Merciful Love
    That Comes From a Mother of the Same

    Unconditional Love…

    Someone Has
    to Be the
    First and
    Last Love
    Standing

    Yet It’s true
    Without Fearless
    That Love Won’t Travel
    Nearly as Far For All that
    Love Sees and Breathes For Real

    How Fortunate Am i That my Mother
    And Father Found What They Were
    Missing in Each Other to Create me
    and My Sister With SMiLes It’s True i Can’t
    Count the Number of People in my Life who
    Have Remarked or Questioned me What my Agenda
    is for being the Kindest Person They’ve Ever met And Of Course

    (In my Health
    Balancing

    Years)

    i Will only
    Credit
    my
    inheritance
    For that Gift Still…

    Anyway Like my Mother
    i Have the Patience of ‘Job’
    And More When it Comes to
    Unconditional Love She Surely Needed it With me
    As Some How that Mix Sent me to Heaven and Hell too For Real..:)

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