Since I first saw the movie Silence of the Lambs, I wanted to be a a superhero. I know that Clarice was an FBI agent and not a superhero in the comicbook sense of the word. But to me she was a hero. I too could hear the crying lambs at night, metaphorically, of course.  I felt that I could grow up to be a forensic psychologist and save the world. I am not joking. This is the story my mom told me when I was able to fully understand my “origin” story and I am sticking with it.

Every superhero needs an origin story. Mine begins in the South Bronx where I witnessed horrific crimes and I dreamt of leading the masses towards freedom. I suppose, if anything, I sympathized more with Batman than any other superhero. Is batman even a superhero? I thought Wonder Woman’s lasso was cool and who didn’t love her wrist bands? But her origins story wasn’t compelling enough for me. I am looking forward to the new movie, which has sadly taken over a decade to get going. I hope she will have some good angst to work off. That is, after all, what makes a superhero a superhero.

There was also, once upon a time, Bionic Woman, AKA Jamie Sommers who almost died while skydiving and was rebuilt bionically. She ended up working for the government to help solve cases. It wasn’t a super exciting show other than when she took giant leaps to the slow mechanical sounds.  Supposedly, she was on a path of self discovery. I have no idea what that means. I only caught the show in reruns and it was a bit too ’70s for me. Wasn’t everyone back then on a path of self-discovery?  Sigh.

With all that said, I still dream of being a superhero but Bionic Woman may be my new way of being. Apparently, my knee is a hot mess since everything that can go wrong has gone wrong . Although, I was in no car accident (that I know of), the doctors were sure I had suffered some traumatic injury when they reviewed my MRI images of the knee. I don’t have just one tear, but multiple ones. Then, I have two other things wrong with my knee including a cyst. At this point, I might need surgery. At this point  I might need knee replacement. If I am going to go the way of bionic woman, I don’t want to be the 1970’s version. I’m wondering if somehow my knees can start picking up on conversations over a mile away?  Or perhaps my knees can emit a special sounds like the Black Canary in Arrow. Or maybe, my knees can shoot knives out of them. Maybe that’s too violent. Perhaps I can get knee enhancers like Peridot in Steven Universe. If I can get thevgems that cine with rhat, I’m all in. How about if my knee shoots out webs? Spiderman seems to have a good superhero life, although he is no Batman.

I was feeling a bit down when I sat with my doctor. But I laughed and laughed some more. That’s what I do. I will persevere. And now I can be a superhero. I need to get shopping now and get myself a cute pink superhero costume. Question is: mask or no mask?

When life gives you lemons, mix it with vodka or…