My life has been a bit off the last year. Three jobs. Three cities. Multiple states in which I lived. I  left a very familiar group of people behind in order to venture forth. I needed to explore new “lands”, sort of speak. As such, I have had to get to meet new people. Befriend new people. Understand who was real, fake and a frenemy.  I haven’t really taken a vacation in ages. My brain has been tired. Nevermind that, my brain is tired.  Very tired.

There have been times when I have wondered by why I was in the room. Why was I in the room with individuals who clearly didn’t care for me. I wondered if I would make it through. I made it through rough transitions this year.

I am a fast learner. A very fast learner. I went into fields that were not not necessarily my strength or expertise and made it my own. However, this 2016 my brain has slowed down a tiny fraction. Probably not noticeable to the naked eye.  But I have slowed down It feels a bit like when the Flash’s speed was being stolen by Zoom and he didn’t know it at first, because it was such a minuscule amount of his greatly immense speed.

Although, I tend to be a fast learner I need context, help and patience from others. Sadly, at one point, I got none from my some of my new colleagues. Some went out of their way to try to prove I was stupid looking at any slight misspeak as such indication. I can tell you, I am way smarter than those individuals. However, there comes a time, especially when you have switched jobs three times in one year, where you are going to hit a wall.  It is a sad thing to experience when that wall is purposely put up by colleagues -and female at that. You just hope that they don’t live up to the cliche of the unsupportive, competitive workplace female colleague.  When such a buttressed wall is put up and no information allowed to get through such a wall, things are bound to be a bit abstract.

As I frequently tell myself, “It is what it is.”  I can deal with abstractness. I can deal with nuance.  I love black and white clothing patterns but I can deal with gray.  Sometimes you just have to and there is no sense in beating oneself up over it.