The patron saint of wackiness and calling it like it is

I don’t suffer fools well. I especially don’t suffer fake fools and non self-aware fools very well. Or so I have been told. I also don’t tolerate uncalled for arrogance and pretentiousness. I have a nose for sniffing out bullshitters, liars and posers. Sometimes it is not a very hard task to sniff out said individuals. Because I have such an ability and often call people out on such activity, I am a little bit wacky. I even believe in breaking out into interpretative dance in he middle of a long tedious meeting. Hey, why not? If I were ever to be named the patron saint of something, it would be for sniffing and calling out bullshit while maintaining a sense of wackiness. Is there one word to describe such an ability?

I would love to see people a hundred years from now invoke the mimi doctrine and pay patronage to it. They could even start off each meeting with an ode and a dance to invoke my spirit and help guide them as they navigate the murky workplace waters.

As I read the daily news posts I also assemble wacky, silly and weird news items of the week. These collections should serve as role models of what not to do in most circumstances. They are also a way to just have a chuckle here and there and realize that like ain’t such a serious endeavor. Go ahead and be wacky and do a little dance and get down tonight.

1. It’s contagious. Yes, there is an upsurge in measles and it is contagious. You know what else is contagious? Pregnancies! That’s right. When one friend becomes pregnant, more in that social circle follow suit. I can attest to that. I went first and now my friends have kids 6 -12 months younger than my son. I thought they were just jealous. Just kidding. Now I know it was just “viral”

2. Getting its groove back on. Many of us refused to believe in the declassification of Pluto as a planet. Just this past month, we included Pluto in my son’s science fair project. Looks like we may get our wish. Scientists are reconsidering Pluto’s classification.

3. Chimneys are just for soot and santa claus. A guy could not let his ex-girlfriend be. He decided to enter her home via the chimney. Did he think he was a gift to her? Well, he got stuck and the rescuers had to disassemble the chimney bit by bit. Let this be a lesson to all ego-maniacs out there.

4. When you got to go. I never took my dog with me on a flight. I thought it would distress him way to much and who knows how he would have behaved. One dog owner and a many passengers got to find out how I believe my dog would have acted. When a big husky came to my house once, my milo was not happy and left me a “notice” in the hallway. Seems that was not so uniquely wacky. On a US Airways flight to Philadelphia for some reason a dog was allowed to wander the aisles and he left multiple “gifts” for the passengers. There were so many gifts that the plane had to make an emergency landing.

5. Set those rats free. The wacky left coast has some interesting inhabitants. A San Francisco woman decided to breed and breed and breed some more rats. As if that was not bad enough, she then set them free in the parks. Is she a homesick New Yorker, by any chance?

6. Sing me a song on the piano man. Pianos are beautiful and when played well can transport us to a whole other realm of being. The Brooklyn Bridge is a thing of marvel. Put the bridge together with a random piano and you have a mysterious scene recalling an eerie sentiment from the movie “Planet of the apes” or the Twilight Zone. Riddle me this: Why is there a piano under the Brooklyn Bridge? Guesses?

7. Better be cheap if illegal. Here is a lesson to all you entrepreneurs out there. A woman decided to run a strip club out of her house. Props to the entrepreneurial spirit. However, she angered a customer who then alerted cops. Why was the customer angry? She was charging $2 for drinks and apparently that us considered expensive. The cops got angry that the alcohol was above the market price. So, if you are going to run a strip club out of your house either do it out of New York (where the market rate is about $12 a drink) or make sure your price is in line with your surrounding legitimate establishments.

8. Might as well get high.  I lived in California over ten years ago. I know how voting in California goes.  I am not super shocked that a medical marijuana dispensary is offering the voters of San Jose free pot if they vote. Here is to a Grateful Dead like voting atmosphere. I am not too sure it is any worse than our other voting environments.

9. Porn and the brain.  In case you were wondering researchers found that men that watched a lot of porn (definition of a lot explained in the study) had less gray matter.  Because this was a cross-sectional study one cannot say one thing led to the other.  I’m not passing judgment here, but could this research money have been put to better use?  What do we hope to do with this finding?

10. Social media nuttiness and loneliness.  Do fonts and font size matter to you? Twitter changed it font type to a Gotham variation.   Apparently some people got hot and bothered by this.  Maybe they should watch more porn. Oh and by the way, those that peruse Facebook in a “passive” manner may be prone to more sadness.  Whatever. Get out and move to California and vote.