Punches, pranks, perverts and pimps all in a week’s wacky set of national temper tantrums

Unbelievably fast. That is how I would describe the start to this new year of 2014. We are at the mid-point of January already.  Here in the United States we have a long weekend, with the observance of Martin Luther King (MLK), Jr Day.  Many years ago, not every state celebrated that observance creating a massive backlash in particular against the state of Arizona.  Then Arizona Governor Evan Mecham cancelled MLK Day, saying, “I guess King did a lot for the colored people, but I don’t think he deserves a national holiday.”   Well, that didn’t sit so well. The rap group Public Enemy captured the collective frustration with the song “By the time I get to Arizona. ”  Because of its explosive nature, the video for “By the Time I Get to Arizona” aired on MTV only one time in 1991. This week has been fraught with national fights over values and beliefs. This past week, the court ruled that bloggers can be protected under the First Amendment. Furthermore, this past week US President Obama detailed the new rules surrounding how the NSA works with our personal data. Many have openly declared that was a win for Edward Snowden. But the debate continues as to whether Obama went far enough in trying to protect the privacy of the American public.  It has been a heavy week fraught with events changing the course of communications going forward.


Odd Babies.   In Italy this past week, a 31 year old nun, despite not knowing that she was pregnant, gave birth to a baby boy that she went on to name after the new Pope.   Immaculate conception? No one is explaining how this happened but gives new meaning to the Hamlet quote of  “get thee to a nunnery.”  Speaking of babies, New Yorkers like a good laugh when they can take a few seconds of their hectic day to appreciate a joke and many are actually, despite the stereotypes, good Samaritans.   The marketing group Thinkmodo rigged a stroller with a crying devil baby. The stroller was left unattended and the baby started crying. When individuals approached to help the baby out, they encountered the most evil looking vomit spewing baby ever.   I think we all know from the countless  horror movies we have seen, babies can be really creepy.


Hormonal pregnant woman. Speaking of babies. Pregnant women definitely go through a lot of emotional ups and downs, as well as possible spouts of projectile vomiting.  Down in Florida, a 24 year old pregnant woman got infuriated at her roommate for leaving the butter out on the stove. Duh! Who wouldn’t? It’s hard to refrigerate melted butter.  She did what any other pregnant women would do. She knocked out her roommate by hitting her on the head.  There is no crying over spilled butter.


Anger management classes. It appears that there will have to be a subsidized national system for anger management.  A man in Texas stabbed and punched his girlfriend when she brought home the “wrong” lunch  Apparently she brought home the pizza instead of chicken.  Sometimes there is just no pleasing angry chicken lovers. Of course here in the US there have also been four shootings garnering mass media attention; including the shooting that occurred in the Florida movie theatre over the fact that a fellow movie-goer was texting his babysitter.  This is not wacky, but instead sad, heartbreaking and outrageous.  They are considering a “popcorn” defense. All I can say is that other odd defense arguments have gotten far in Florida.


Odd Cravings. There are a lot of phobias out there. Plus, there are as many addictions out there. In a very strange addiction case, a young woman purportedly is addicted to sucking on dirty (pee-filled) diapers.  This poor woman was introduced to the American public on a TLC show this past week. To many people’s surprise  she has a fiancé. I cannot even imagine what the wedding meal and cake will consist of.  Should they have white wine with that pee-soaked diaper?  Since there is no pleasing everyone, I am sure some will insist on red wine as the paired drink.


Cravings for a mojito

Cravings for a mojito

Dirty old men. Get you mind out of the gutter. This ain’t that type of story. In a southern Iranian province, an 80 year old man believes that being clean only brings bad health. Thus, his solution to trying to remain healthy is to never take a bath/shower. He claims to not have bathed in 60 years.  That’s not even the bad part. He claims that he also smokes poop.  I have a feeling that even though the diaper licking woman has a fiancé, that this man just may not have had a partner in a long time.


Private parts cheese. So, the man in Iran hasn’t bathe in a really long time. However, he doesn’t seem to be inflicting himself on anyone. In a small town in Pennsylvania there is now a search for the “Swiss Cheese pervert”. A man is reportedly driving about town harassing women trying to get them look at him place swiss cheese on his genitals.  Is that better than blue cheese?


Love thief.  Thankfully, there are places that sell non-cheese sexual items. A man in Florida was so taken in by said items that he decided to steal them (i.e. massage oil, condoms).  That is not the wacky part of this story, however. Back in his car, he had a passed out woman waiting for him. That is still not the wacky pat. The Items he stole were for his lady friend he lined up for after his rendezvous with his passed out friend.   The guy has got game.


A pimp has got needs. Speaking of game, a convicted pimp in the state of Oregon (who is currently behind bars) is suing Nike over his sneaker’s label.  Rather, he was distraught that Nike has failed to warn consumers that its sneakers can be used as a deadly weapon. See, Mr. Clardy (the alleged pimp) pounded in the face of a man who didn’t pay the sex worker for her services rendered.  Mr. Clardy was so aghast at this travesty, that he took his shoes to beat up the non-paying client.  If there had been a warning on the shoes, maybe he would have just used his fists?


Travel gone wild.  Here we go again. A new month and a new year. And yet another plane landed at the wrong airport.  This time Southwest Airlines landed at the wrong Missouri airport (with a way shorter runway). I surely hope that next time I am flying to Naples, Florida I instead land in Naples, Italy.  Come on airlines! If you are going to land at the wrong airport-go big!   In the state of Washington, meanwhile, dogs gone wild. Toby, the dog, apparently got bored while waiting for his owner while he shopped.  What’s a dog to do? Joy ride, of course!  In his fervor, he did end up bumping a car stopped at a red light.  Can we train him to go after Swiss cheese driving perverts?


There you have it! Pranks, perverts and pimps; all in a week’s wacky set of national temper tantrums that ranged from somewhat odd to horrific acts of violence . Hope the weekend brings you peace, rest, good eats and good writing projects.


4 replies »

  1. Just saw this and wanted to confess, I live in Pa, several minutes from the area of the “cheese guy.” The criminals that come out of that area seem scarily uneducated. I’m honored to live nearby!


  2. Most of this fits into the “Sad but True” column. I’d like to say I’m glad I don’t live in PA, but I am just outside of DC and we’ve got a lion’s share of perverts, pundits and politicians!


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