A few months ago I wrote a note to myself. I do this all the time, actually. I write snippets and expect my future self to remember what I was thinking when I wrote those words. I would be a bad science fiction character trying to send out a warning to past or future me. Look at how much I digress here. Well, in all fairness to myself, I can digress here. I can get straight to the point. Brutally so at times. So, I have been told.
I wonder, however, if these notes to myself are purposefully vague so I can either enhance my memory skills, become more creative in storytelling, or allow my narratives to hold multiple meanings. I am a psychologist afterall and don’t necessarily adhere to a black and white framing. Regardless of why I write these notes, I do and I often find them months after.
A few months ago, I wrote a note to myself stating “I don’t know why, but it does bother me”. Sometimes you don’t know your own motivation for doing or not doing something. It may not be obvious. There are times when you feel a tingle in your gut and you just have to listen to it. There are times when I just want to say no but don’t have a concrete reason why. I just know that “no” is the right call.
There are also times when, even with no obvious reason, something does bother me. I’ve been feeling that a lot lately. There have been instances when things just don’t pass the smell test. And, more often than not I’m right. If it bothers me, I have to listen to myself. I’m smart, savvy, and superstitious. I need to make sure I bother myself about what bothers me. Gut check.